Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Weakness

I have a confession to make.  Interior decorating blogs are my porn.  I drool over a "vignette" on a tabletop, I pant at the thought of decorating myself a walk in closet (or even a not walk in closet OMFG!) and I positively scream a la Meg Ryan in When Harry Met Sally over pictures of beautifully decorated living rooms with no fucking wires showing!

(Please excuse my foul language, I spent half the morning organizing all the electronic shit in the playroom and the amount of zip-ties needed to corral the wires so I could JUST MOP THE DAMN FLOOR was obscene.  Typing "fuck" makes me feel better so skip over it if cursing offends you.  Come to think of it, if cursing offends you this is probably not a site you want to read.  Ever.)

The problem with masturbating to interior decorating blogs is that no real house ever looks like that.  (Just like the silicone-enhanced, waxed, airbrushed up the wazoo girls in Playboy!)  They use duct tape and chicken wire (just what I use for my kids!) to make everything stay in EXACTLY the right place and since a picture is just a moment, the fact that kids and husbands and pets and LIFE are going to come in the room .3 seconds later to fuck it all up again is ok.  But it makes those of use who actually LIVE in our houses feel like shit.  I know this.  I know that Martha Stewart is the antichrist and yet I read her blog.  And website.  And occasionally, when I've had too much to drink, I try to cook her recipes.  Because I do not have forty-eleven minions to do all the work for me, it never ever turns out.  I KNOW this.  And yet, I keep going back to my own twisted version of internet porn.  It's a sickness people, an addiction.  That means I can't help myself so back off bitches!

Then I found Moggit and all is right with the world again.  Thank you Joy and Janet for helping me to find the humor in my own sick, twisted addiction to interior decorating blogs, photos, websites, magazines and television shows.  You and red wine (along with chicken wire and duct tape) are the only things that keep me sane!

8 comments:

Ami said...

You know, if you don't want to offend someone, you might watch your fucking language.

Just sayin'/

Kate said...

Well fuck!
I thought I was the ONLY one who felt that way.

It kills me on HGTV when they do up a house and "set" the dining room table - when the family has toddlers. GET FUCKING REAL!

The end.

Chris said...

Oh wow. That was some good eye candy. I've been in love with Jeanette's closet for a long time, too! I'm off to visit Mogget! Mogget? Can't wait!

MOM #1 said...

Shoot! (Sorry, I curse A LOT in real life, but I can't do it in print.) I thought I was the only one who did "personal pleasures" to beautiful rooms. It's the stuff wet dreams are made of, LOL.

Glad I'm not the only one. Wanna start a support group? What if you don't want to stop? I guess I'm not quite ready for the 12 steps, LOL.

kel said...

Wires and cords are the death of me.

Janet said...

Katy,

We find we are falling in love wih you and your wonderful potty mouth.

Thank you so much for writing such a hilarious blog about our fledgling baby, Moggit. But back off-- 'cuz you're funnier than we are.

Seriously, I read your blog to Joy over the phone (she was busy making her bed-- for a magazine shoot-- ha!) and we laughed out loud. Not just 'lol'... we really did laugh. Out loud. Uncontrollably.
We hate you.

;)
Kidding!

Hey, since you love us so much, would you like a moggit button for your blog? We'd love to buy your readership (that''s a JOKE), but since the holidays are over and we're both broke, we can't afford anything else...

Signed,
your new best friends whether you like it or not,

Janet & Joy

Jason, as himself said...

Wow. Katy wrote about masturbation and porn. I guess this opens the door for me to unabashedly describe my own habits. Look for it in 2009!!!

EmBee said...

I just had a little orgasm checking out those sites... Let me know if you're interested in checking out any new ones... I have a folder full because yes, I'm addicted too!
:-)