Sunday, September 27, 2009

Spelling Impaired

Husband is spelling impaired. Now to be fair, it is not his fault. English is his second language AND he is dyslexic. He is super smart and is working on becoming fluent in a third language purely from audio-lessons and practicing with his Spanish speaking employees but he cannot spell to save his life. I suspect he is missing the portion of the brain that usually houses spelling. Or it is so full of information like how to fix ten gazillion things with duct tape that there is no room for spelling.

This morning he was goofing around with a game - Bookworm - on my cell phone and asked me, "How do you spell ox? A-U-X?"

I laughed so hard I cried.

I'm a bitch but GOD it was funny!

Wednesday, September 23, 2009


The annual back-to-school germfest has returned! Thing 1 is home today with a fever, cough and sore throat. Guess what the symptoms of swine flu (as well as regular flu) are? You got it, fever, cough and sore throat.

To protect the rest of the family, especially Grandmother who is older than dirt, we have put Thing 1 into quarantine. Here is a visual aid to illustrate the current state of our home...

Photo courtesy of Yo.

Swine flu paranoia, we haz it!

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

The Bug Has Landed

Back to school has started out great for all three of the kids. Of course it's only been four days but hey, I'm an optimist. Daughter is especially enjoying Biology - the teacher is "AWESOME!" and "COOL!" and they're going to study "real" science. Apparently Physical Science - the class she had last year - was fake science. I didn't hear about any Astrology in the curriculum but maybe I missed it at open house.

Her first Biology project is to collect 10 different bugs - excuse me, I mean INSECTS - and bring them to class tomorrow. Then the kids will mount all their creepy-crawlies on a big board and identify them. So my freezer has ten different plastic containers with different bugs in them in it. She has a cranefly, a wasp, a mosquito, a fly, a spotted beetly-looking thing that scared the shit out of me when it jumped on my head from the sun umbrella, an earwig and some others that I can't remember.

The kid is no dummy. She was super sweet and nice to the Things last weekend and conned them into finding most of the bugs for her. And husband caught the wasp because the kids and I refused to go near it. She had to bat her eyes a bit to convince him but in the end she got what she wanted. He's wrapped around her little finger like all daughters are.

But she has her Grandpa and Grandmonster in her back pocket. After all, it's not every grandparent that would mail - OVERNIGHT - one of these to their granddaughter...

Is that not the NASTIEST little fucker you've ever seen? The key is a regular sized housekey - that bug is enormous!!! Daughter is thrilled and hoping for extra credit from her AWESOME! and COOL! biology teacher for going above and beyond for this project.

I can't decide which is weirder, the fact that my Dad & Shelly mailed my kid a bug or the fact that my kid is really excited about receiving a bug.

Monday, September 14, 2009


"What guides us is children’s response, their joy in learning to dance, to sing, to live together. It should be a guide to the whole world."
~Yehudi Menuhin

Today I am remembering a beautiful sunny little boy who danced and sang and loved without reservation. I will find screaming yellow flowers and a fuzzy little caterpillar and enjoy the simple things in life.

Friday, September 11, 2009


Every year on September 11th I watch the History channel - or any other station that is airing coverage of the nine-eleven attacks - and I bawl my eyes out. This year is no different. Some years it feels like it was yesterday and other years it feels like it's been forever since the world shifted on its axis.

My children don't remember what it was like before 9/11/01. They don't remember when being Muslim or Middle-Eastern wasn't synonymous with terrorism or when going through security at an airport meant someone glancing at you to make sure you didn't have an AK-47 strapped to your back, not taking off your shoes to check for explosives. It breaks my heart to compare their knowledge of the horrors that people are capable with to my own innocence at the same age. They have been teased at school because their father, the love of my life and one of the most kind and generous men I've ever known, is Iranian. Daughter and her friends joke about her terrorist family background and the Things - taking everything literally and personally - come home two or three times every school year filled with indignant rage because someone called them 'terrorist' at school.

Joking or serious it all cuts me to the quick. They know about things that no child should know about - as do all of their peers. Childhood has changed forever and always in this new world that we live in.


When it became known that the monsters behind the attacks on the WTC and the Pentagon were evil, crazed maniacs who called themselves Muslim, our next door neighbor called us just to let us know that she knew we were good people, good neighbors and she "prayed we were not victimized" because of husband's background.

The kids teachers invited husband to speak to their classrooms and put a face to the nameless label "middle-eastern" for their classmates.

We received phone calls from parents of our children's friends letting us know they were talking to their children about the danger and wrongness of blanketing every foreigner with the label of terrorist.

Firefighters, police officers and other first-responders after the attack are heroes I hold up to my children to show them that despite all the horror and evil people are capable of, they are also capable of unbelievable courage, bravery and selflessness.

My children know about evil, but they also know about good. My job is to make sure they see and recognize it.

This is the day that I remind myself not of the bad that is in the world, but all that is right and kind and good in the world.

And I cry for us all.

Monday, September 7, 2009


I don't know why they call this a fail, when school starts the liquor store is the FIRST place I go to stock up on supplies. It's just not a proper mid-term without booze.

fail owned pwned pictures
see more Fail Blog

Oh. Kids. Gotcha. My bad.

Now if you'll excuse me I have to go stock up on *ahem* school supplies for me, I already got the kids their supplies.


Wednesday, September 2, 2009


It really sucked when Dad & Stepmonster moved to Las Vegas - we're a close family and I'd never lived in a different state than either of my parents - but on the plus side, it's a really fun place to visit and one of our favorite road trip destinations.

Go visit Stepmonster's blog and help me guilt trip her into posting some fucking pictures from our San Diego trip! She's got some great shots and hasn't BLOGGED them yet!

Vegas was the last stop on Road Trip '09 and it was a fun, relaxing visit. We didn't do anything wild and crazy, just hung out with Dad, Shelly and their lunatic dogs and it was great. Look at this guy, he isn't a proud grandpa or anything...

Love you Dad, can't wait to see you guys for Thanksgiving!