Decorating Porn Giveaway

By now you all know that I am a porn addict.  I try try try to decorate our house and my family keeps RUINING it for me.  The other day while browsing porn (instead of doing homework, don't tell my parents!), I went to Janet & Joy's Mogg Blogg.  Janet & Joy are the ladies behind Moggit, the flashy blinky thing on my sidebar.  They are hysterical and help keep the whole decorating craze in perspective for those of us who actually LIVE in our homes rather than just decorate and photograph them.

So it must be my lucky month because the Mogg-girls are having a giveaway contest!  They're giving away a beautiful copy of a Domino Magazine book of decorating (more porn, yay!) to the winner.  At first they were asking for "your own personal decorating disasters" but since they had very little response, now it's just 'comment to win a cool book bitches!' (I'm paraphrasing). 

But I HAVE a personal decorating disaster!  It's daughter's room that I got about halfway done decorating last summer while she was off sailing the seven seas like Sinbad the Sailor.  (I totally would have gotten it completely done if it hadn't taken me THREE FUCKING DAYS just to CLEAN it!)  And I really, really wanted to share it with Janet & Joy because they understand me and my addiction.

So this is what I sent to the Mogg-girls:

Now, this needs some explanation. This is my fourteen year old daughter's bedroom. Last summer while she was off for a week sailing in the San Juan Islands with my Mom & Stepdan (rough life that kid has) I surprised her by cleaning out her room (it took three days just for that phase of the project) and then decorating it. The valance over the window is the COOLEST fabric. It looks like a floral pattern but up close it has skulls and bones on it:



Very hip for a thirteen at the time year old girl. I also made a pillow case out of that fabric with a zebra trim and then another pillowcase with the zebra fabric for the pillowcase and the skull fabric for the trim.

The desk under the window is two nightstands that my husband had his painters paint (they missed the space between the drawers - MEN!) with a board across the top, also painted black so daughter could have a nice large desk to spread out her artwork on. I bought her new bedding, a zebra throw blanket and beanbag chair, re-did all her artwork to go with the theme of black and white zebra print with some red thrown in for color. We took the bed off the frame (so she can't shove all her crap under the bed) and pushed it up against the wall with lots of fun pillows so it's like a daybed/couch.

Husband made the two bookcases and someday he will paint them black too. You know, actually finish the job?

We put the fun disco ball and colored light on the desk and the long black strip above the desk is a black light so it looks very funky with the overhead light off and the disco and black lights on.

In the very bottom of the pic you can see a tiny bit of one of those scary origami lamps from Ikea that she begged for and I agreed to buy on the condition that she put the fucker together herself because there was no way in hell I was going to do it.  It is supposed to be hung up over her bed but she took it down a week ago to change the lightbulb and it hasn't grown wings and flown back into place so it is still on the floor.

I still need to organize and accessorize the bookcases and she wants to put zebra wrapping paper on the ceiling.  (No way in hell are we wallpapering but I can tape some paper to the ceiling with the best of them).  Then I want to have husbands painters paint the big dresser black and find some cool knobs for it.  And after that I am hoping for tiny leprechauns to bring me buckets of gold.

So my question is, how do I keep the little slob out of her bedroom so it will stay clean and organized for longer than THIRTY FREAKING SECONDS??? Ladies, as you can see, I am in dire need of your decorating assistance. Please help me before daughter's crap takes over the entire house and we all drown in the paraphernalia of a fourteen year old girl.