Tuesday, March 10, 2009


On Saturday, March 7th, I turned thirty-five years old.

*Excuse me while I breathe into this paper bag for a moment.*

Um, hellloooo...how the hell did THAT happen?  You know, how did I become a GROWN-UP?  Wasn't it just yesterday that I was rockin' the grunge look with my flannel shirts and torn up jeans?  Or getting a tattoo for my twenty-third birthday?  You'd have done it too if you were driving a minivan and changing three kids diapers at twenty-three!  I had to do something to act my age!

But now acting my age is not wearing mini-skirts.  Keeping my hair color in the 'naturally occurs in nature' range.  Having the bag-boy at the grocery store call me 'ma'am'.  I AM NOT A FUCKING MA'AM!  Wait a minute, I am a ma'am.  I'm old enough to be a ma'am.  I hardly ever get carded when I order a drink.  I'm getting GRAY HAIR, crow's feet and crooked toes!

So let this be a notice to the world - I am no longer having any birthdays.  This is the last one.  EVER.  I refuse to ever grow any older than thirty-five.

After all, my mother is only thirty-nine...

And Cousinbff isn't going to get any older either.  She's gonna have to stop at thirty-three.

And we will all live happily ever after...

The end.


*moggit girls said...

Happy birhtday, Katy!

You child. 35. Our advice is keep having those birthdays. We're turning 40 this year and 40 ROCKS!

Because at 40, you can tell the bag boy to F*off when he calls you Ma'am, if you really want to. (Or pull a Mrs. Robinson, if he's really hot...)

Oh, and PS-- stop being so funny. Seriously. In case you aren't aware, we bought all the rights to funny. So if you don't stop, we may have to call our lawyers.

Just sayin'.

The Moggit Girls,

Elena said...

I can't believe I'll be 50! This is my last birthday!!!!! :)

Happy Birthday Katy. You look great!

Ami said...

Happy Birthday.
35 is not old. Not even totally grown up in some ways.


When I was 26, a guy I worked with turned 35. He said that it was really sobering to realize (intoned in his best Vincent Price voice)
"Half my life is OVER."

So now I'm 48.

Where does that leave ME?

Shelly... said...

You are SO still having birthdays cuz girl I'm not getting any younger either, so you can't stay the same age! I also can't believe I met you when you were a mere child of 19. Where the hell has time gone?

Kate said...

Shoot! I wish I were 35 again!

Happy Birthday.
Hope it was a good one.

You rock!

ms. changes pants while driving said...

how did i miss this post?


i'm three years behind you. i'm freaking out about 32 this year.

hugs and sloppy wet birthday kisses!


ms. changes pants while driving said...

oh, and you don't act a day over 14.

MOM #1 said...

Happy Birthday!

Now that 35 is in my rear-view mirror . . . I have to agree with you . . . no more birthdays.



EmBee said...

Wait! I'm almost 10 YEARS OLDER THAN YOU???

Oh, that makes sense. Now I understand why I act so much more mature... I mean, I haven't licked a shop window in something like 8 yrs.

Happy Birthday, Whatever!

The Girl Next Door said...

Wait a minute - who told you 35 is grown up and where the heck does that leave me at 42?

Happy Birthday. What-ev

OH and Bag Boy? F*-off. I ain't no MA'AM. See? No ring.

ChiTown Girl said...

Happy Birthday, Katy! You share a birthday with my Grammy (who would have been 88 this year.) I don't know if I'll ever get over the "ma'am" thing. It still bugs my ass!!

The Hotfessional said...

I've decided I'm finally done with birthdays. Last year's 45 is it. I'm NOT turning 46. I'm just not.

Oh, and happy birthday. You don't look a day older than 25. Seriously.

C said...

I don't even believe I missed your birthday! I am a total fucking LOSER! I wouldn't blame you if you never spoke to me again! But then I'd have to stalk you...and it wouldn't be pretty. 35 was hard for me too...hopefully we'll be okay for the big 4-0 if we freaked out 5 years earlier! And being called Ma'am? Don't even get me started.

Happy belated b-day...love you...SO SORRY I missed it and didn't send you a card...I don't deserve to LIVE...I hope you had lots of wine and cake. :)