Saturday, January 31, 2009

I Know Her in the Biblical Sense

My bloggy buddy Yo is having a give-away and being the mature, responsible adult that I am, I am going to share the chance to win with all of you.  (Even though I really want to win myself.  I am a giver.)  So go forth and comment to get in on the action - so to speak.  *snort*

Actually I just wanted a chance to write about sex toys.  Because Yo's giveaway is a gift certificate to edenfantasys (This site is so NSFW that if you click on it at work your computer might just blow up on your desk) and their site has everything you could possibly want for a rockin' good time in the bedroom.  Or dining room.  Or living room.  Or kitchen.  Or bathroom.  But not the stairs, that would hurt.  Ow.

My only complaint about these things is that some of them have the DUMBEST names and others are so complicated they look like a rubix cube on acid rather than a funtimes toy.  (I really really wanted to put pictures up but they are all on the site in some complicated internetz form that I can't use.  Pout.)  So tell me what you think...

Super Twins.  The first thing I thought of was the old cartoon with all the superheroes INCLUDING the Wonder Twins.  Remember them?  Purple outfits, a boy and a girl and they would put their fists together (Terrorist Fist Jab!) and say "Wondertwin Powers ACTIVATE!" and then they'd turn into something.  Water?  Animals?  I can't remember.  But the Super Twins totally reminds me of that.

Now The 3-Way (for only $20.99!  that has to be cheaper than two hookers in a sleazy motel!)  looks like an office thing.  Like a stapler, staple remover and hole punch all in one.  Or some fancy scrapbooking punch.  I can read what they TELL you it is for but doesn't it look way too small?  Would you want to squash those into there?  Really?

This one has a dumb name AND it looks really complicated and bizarre.  The Cock Commander is clear plastic and looks like, um, well, I don't know what it looks like.  But anything called The Cock Commander should TALK.  Duh.  It should have a sexy voice (like those GPS thingys) that commands you to do this, that or the other.  A battery operated domme.

Here's something else that every couple should have for their gynocological gymnastics, a SPINNING SEX SWING!  Great!  It's an X-rated version of the Tea Cup Ride at Disneyland.  I've always wanted to hurl during sex!

So there is your own little preview of some of the fun things you can have in your grown up toybox should you win the gift certificate over at Yo's.  Good luck!  



Kate said...

I used to work with a guy who used the spinning sex swing. ha ha ha!
He told me all about it - whether I wanted to know or not. :op

ms. changes pants while driving said...

did you see the mia??!!! it plugs into your usb drive.

i'll give you another entry for posting about it here =)

ms. changes pants while driving said...

i just realized that "usb drive" could have been mistaken for something else. no, it really plugs into your usb drive.

C said...

This comment is NOT an entry...I'm too scared to even click on that link...I've never heard of any of these things (except the sex swing, and I had no idea that it spins.)


ms. changes pants while driving said...

christy christy christy...


we have a few things to talk about...

Jason, as himself said...

I'll take one of each.

Eden Fantasies emailed me asked me if I wanted to have a sex toy give-away, too.

Should I have accepted?