Murphy's Law

Normally I am an optimistic person - sometimes to the point of being obnoxiously perky, or so I've been told - but the past few days have made a dent in my usually sunny disposition. I have an unbelievable amount of schoolwork to do but I don't think I'll be able to focus until I get the events of the past few days off my chest and written down here where they damn well better stay!

Tuesday night husband made dinner and helped the kids with their homework so I could study for a final exam in my history class on Wednesday morning. I studied my BUTT off (I wish) and went into class at 8:45am on Wednesday feeling prepared and even a little cocky. (That's probably what set Murphy's Law into action - I was too damn sure of myself.) When everyone else started putting a sheet of paper on the desk at the front of the classroom it hit me, WE HAD AN ASSIGNMENT DUE TOO! I didn't not understand the assignment, run out of time to finish it or simply blow it off - I totally and completely forgot about it. I have never EVER done that! At least not since I've been in college, I'm sure I forgot about assignments all the time in high school but that was a long time ago when I was young and stupid so it doesn't count.

So after finishing the final I went to the library, did the assignment that I had totally and completely spaced out and emailed it to my professor. She gives everyone one "freebie" each quarter to email an assignment rather than give her a hard copy but it is still late so I won't get full credit. Damn.

Then Scientist Genius Brother emails me asking for the email with the confirmation number on it so he and Daughter can get their tickets at the airport when they leave on their trip. I look through my emails and I don't have it so I tell him that HE must have it. He sends another message that no, he doesn't have it. So I call Qantas Airlines to find out what happened. With no confirmation number the guy - who I had a tough time understanding because of his sexy Australian accent - searches by the flight number which I wrote down when I bought the tickets. There is NO SUCH FLIGHT NUMBER. My heart starts to pound and I stutter incoherently into the phone.

Keep in mind this entire phone conversation is taking place while I am in the commons at school. Not exactly a quiet place to concentrate on getting very important information.

The very sexy voice asks if I have the credit card I bought the tickets with so he can search using the card number. (I bought the tickets because Scientist Genius Brother couldn't figure out the Qantas website - he is the stereotypical absent minded professor!) That I do have so I give it to the sexy voice, my heart in my throat. He finds the reservations and casually mentions that the reason that flight number doesn't exist is because it was cancelled.

I almost puke.

Then he continues on to tell me that their itinerary has been changed due to the flight being canceled but they still leave San Francisco and arrive in Melbourne - sharks with frickin' lasers! - at about the same time. My heart and stomach go back where they belong and I resume breathing. Apparently they sent the confirmation email to Scientist Genius Brother but they had the email wrong so he never got it. I give the correct address to sexy voice and he assures me that the confirmation email will be re-sent. So I call the Genius and tell him to let me know the minute he gets the email.

Then he reminds me that I need to get an ETA visitor Visa for Daughter. Its very simple, just filling out a form online and getting a confirmation number. They just need her name, info, passport number and all that other stuff. So after my second class, picking up Thing 2 from school and Daughter from dance practice, I go into my office to get her passport so I can fill out the ETA Visa form.

Her passport is not with all the other passports in the safe designated place for important papers that I need to grab if the house is on fire.

Heart and stomach immediately start leaping around inside my body.

"I CAN'T FIND YOUR PASSPORT!!! ARRRRGGGGHHHH" (I scream while tossing papers all over my desk.)

"Oh, I know where it is. I'll go grab it." She saunters nonchalantly up the stairs.

WTF is her passport doing upstairs and not with all the important papers WHERE IT BELONGS? I'm a bit wild by now from the several adrenaline rushes I've experienced but I manage to calm down and straighten up my desk while Daughter brings me her passport.

I have to interject here that I purchased the tickets for this trip on May 18th of this year. When I bought them I checked her passports expiration date and it said June 2010. No problem.

When she hands me her passport I open it up and the expiration date is June 2009. As in almost six months ago. They leave in three and a half weeks. Obviously I have fucked up to the n-th degree. I don't even get the satisfaction of going off on anyone because it is my own fault. Of course that doesn't stop me from screaming at husband (who is upstairs cooking dinner after working all day - yes he is the best husband on the planet and no you can't have him) "OH MY GOD HER PASSPORT IS EXPIRED WHAT AM I GOING TO DO OMG OMG OMG..."

He comes downstairs, peels me off the ceiling and calms me down enough to look on the state department's website to see how fast we can get a new passport for her. Expedited is 2-3 weeks. Too close for my comfort even with overnight return mail but we don't have a choice because you can't get a same day passport at the regional offices unless your trip is less than 14 days away.

Husband drops everything to take Daughter to Costco and get passport pictures and I start to get ready for that night's 7pm monthly meeting of the high school parent group that I am co-president of. I'm getting my stuff together and realize I'm missing a check for $250 that was donated to us by a very generous ex-member and parent. Back to panic mode. I have visions of having to call this person, thank her for the extremely generous gift and then ask if we can have another check because I am such a moron that I lost the first one she gave us.

My last ditch thought is maybe it is in my car. SHIT! Husband and daughter took the car that I was driving the last time I picked up parent group paperwork at the school! So I call Husband, he looks in the back seat and sure enough, the check is there. I can't bring it with me to the meeting because I have to leave now but at least I know where it is.

I was an absolute WRECK at the meeting but nothing went terribly wrong and when I got home the kitchen was clean, Daughters passport photos were on the counter waiting for us to go to the passport office on Thursday and the kids were all ready for bed. I drank a glass of wine and went to bed thinking thank GOD that day was over.

But Murphy wasn't done with me yet.

to be continued...

Game Day

Last night was the High School Homecoming game and being the glutton for punishment that I am, I worked at the concession stand. Because Homecoming is such a huge game with a large crowd, we set up a small satellite stand outside of the main one where people could buy water or soda and that's where I stood from 6 to 9. The concessions are behind the bleachers so when you're back there, you cannot see the action on the football field.

At least 75% of the kids at the game hung out near the concession stand and, by the looks of it, had NO IDEA that there was a football game happening anywhere in the vicinity.

Occasionally I would ask one of the gazillion hormonal adolescents buying Mountain Dew (why the hell anyone would drink something that looks exactly like pee is beyond me but whatever...) what the score of the game was and they would look at me blankly before answering "Ummm, I dunno. Sorry."

After getting a few blank stares - I mean, why would I be asking about football scores at a football game - I got smart and started asking Dads and Grandpas as they passed my stand on the way to the loo.

I shouldn't have asked, we lost 50-9. Ugh.

Any anthropologist would have been in seventh heaven standing where I was watching the clueless kids that were engaged in the complicated and dramatic social ritual that is attending the high school homecoming game. I saw fights and horsing around, dramatic reunions and flouncing away in a huff, younger siblings get rebuffed and others get included in the older kids play with looks on their faces that resembled veneration usually reserved for the Pope. Parents gossiped and girls discussed their dresses for the dance that is being held tonight, couples made up and broke up and staff members reminded boys that the fence was not to be climbed on.

It was ten thousand times better than any soap opera could ever hope to be and I had a really good time. There is something warm and fuzzy about being in a place where you know so many of the people walking by, get to chat with friends you don't see very often and watch kids you've known since they were in kindergarten pretend that they are adults while realizing that they really are close to grownup. Lots of the kids friends ran up and gave me big bear hugs and I was more than a little shocked to find myself looking up at most of them now.

My feet hurt and I'm exhausted but last night was fun and is the reason I volunteer at the kids school events. I'm part of a wonderful community and so incredibly lucky for it.

Fall Used to Be My Favorite Season

I have always loved fall. I love the weather getting cool and crisp but still sunny during the day, I love the leaves changing colors and I love school starting. The return to routine after a structureless summer is a relief for all of us and I really love that the house stays relatively tidy for longer than thirty seconds at a time.

Until this year.

So far this fall has been a blur of homework, dance practices, open houses, PTA meetings, math tutors, concession stand work and laundry. I feel like I'm running as fast as I can and getting nowhere.

I'm not sure WTF I was thinking when I volunteered to be co-president of the high school parent group (oh yeah, sucking up to the administration) but it has been ten thousand times more work than I was told it would be when I agreed to do it. So I've spent hours working on recruiting volunteers for the concession stand as well as trying to put some mechanisms in place that will give us a steady stream of volunteers from year to year rather than starting from scratch every September.

Plus there is my own schoolwork as a senior in college this year...

A good friend of mine from school described the start of the first quarter of our senior year as "getting hit with a fire hose" which is an extremely apt description for the un-fucking-believable amount of reading I have. Not to mention the writing...

On top of all that, the holidays are coming up too. Can you hear the clock ticking down?

Thank GOD the kids are old enough that I can tell them they are on their own for Halloween. I'm not buying, making, crafting or painting anything for a costume - if they wanna dress up they have to figure it out themselves.

But then there is Thanksgiving and Christmas to get ready for too.

As well as the regular cooking, cleaning and laundry to do. Can you hear husband laughing? That's because I haven't really cooked in two weeks, the housecleaners are once again coming every other week starting on Tuesday and Mount Laundry is piling up at an incredible rate.

My mantra right now is "this too shall pass" and it is the only thing (other than red wine) keeping me sane right now. I do enjoy being busy, although perhaps not quite THIS busy, and in a few short years the kids will be off to college leaving me with only husband's messes to clean up. I will be done with school before I know it and joining the working world while husband slows down and gets to relax. I know this crazy-busy schedule is temporary and the house will be clean all the time someday over the rainbow...

But for now I'm losing my goddamned mind. Where's the wine?

Sucker

At the end of daughter's kindergarten year I went to the monthly Parent Teacher Organization meeting (when you spend all day every day with a 5 year old and two 4 year olds you get your ass to as many evening meetings like this that you can because it means ADULT COMPANY and you get to leave the kids at home) and they were looking for someone to be the chairperson of the School Carnival the next year.  This was in May and the next School Carnival would be one year away.  A whole year.  Enough time to plan forty-eleven carnivals!  

I volunteered.

There was a very good reason I chose to volunteer for this job, I didn't know anyone.  I figured if I signed up to chair this humongous event then I would meet everyone, make lots of new (GROWN-UP!) friends and get to know the staff at the kids school better.  It worked like a charm.  I met every parent of every kid at the school.  (Mostly because I called all of them looking for people to sign up to work shifts at the different games.)  I had a lot of fun, made some friends I'll have for life, and earned a label that has stuck to this day.

SUCKER.

After that I chaired the carnival - with a lot of help from several people who are now dear friends - I signed up to be on the board of the P.T.O., I signed up to go to the Parent Council meetings at the district office once a month, I helped at dances, teacher-appreciation luncheons and every other school function known to man.  I'm on the email list of every volunteer coordinator in our school district and the Superintendent knows my name and suggests it if another parent is looking for help with a carnival, a volunteer for an event or notes from something we've done in the past.

It's gotten more complicated as the kids have gotten older.  Now I have daughter at the high school, Thing 1 at one middle school and Thing 2 at another middle school.  Three parent groups, three meetings a month, three "opportunities" to help out whenever something is going on.  I managed to distance myself for two years.  Well, by distance I mean that I wasn't on the board of any of the parent groups.  Until now.

Wednesday was the parent group meeting for the high school.  I had told them I would be the co-secretary for next year.  Secretary is easy, you just go to the meetings and take notes.  Now that I have a laptop it would be even easier because I could take the minutes on my computer and not have to type them up later.  Another Mom who has been Secretary for a year was staying on so we could take turns, share the responsibility!  Awesome!

At the meeting it turned out that they had two people for every position except President.  For that position they had nobody.  And before I knew what happened I was elected President of the high school parent group for the 2009-2010 school year.

SHIT!

But there is a silver lining.  I will get to know the Principal.  I'll get to know the staff, the Vice-Principal who is the GOD OF DISCIPLINE and all the secretaries who everyone knows really run the school.  In a student body of 2000 this is a very good thing.  I'll have one whole year to kiss up to everyone before Thing 1 and Thing 2 enter the school as Freshmen and wreak havoc and destruction upon the school's hallowed halls.

Bribery via hours and hours of volunteer time is a very good thing...

My First Homecoming in 15 years

Husband and I hate our daughter.  We are evil parents sent straight from hell to torment her.  We want her to have a non-existent social life and to be shunned by her peers as if she were a leper.  She has informed us of this because, we are, BOTH of us, chaperoning the Homecoming Dance on Saturday night.  I was thinking of this look for my dress, what do you think?

No?  Are you sure?  If I am going to be a demonic evil parent to my teenage daughter I thought I should do it properly.  Well, alright, if you insist.  I will go with something less eye-catching.  Daughter has requested that we dress in clothing the same color as the paint on the walls of the school gym and stand very still against the wall at all times.  

Husband was toying with the idea of renting a baby blue ruffled tuxedo but the cost was prohibitive.  (As in it would cost money - rather than be totally free like the slacks and shirt from 1987 that are hanging in his closet.  They're from The Oaktree, remember that store in the malls back in the day?  Yeah, he doesn't get dressed up often.)

Now I have to dig my cattle-prod out of the closet to have justincase some nasty boy wants to dance with my precious daughter.  What?  Husband wanted to borrow a shotgun, I think a cattle-prod is a good compromise....

Fundraising Auction & Dinner

Decorating for the Tavon fundraising auction and dinner is my contribution to this fabulous organization every year and each time it goes more smoothly and looks better.  The tables this year had galvanized pails on them filled with 4" pots of various herbs.  It went along beautifully with the evening's theme, "Cultivate the Earth, Celebrate the Individual", as well as Tavon's mission to use horticultural therapy as a part of their program for young adults with disabilities. 

The venue was perfect and the decorations looked lovely in such a pretty setting.

Daughter and her best friend were two of the many teens who volunteered for the event.  They helped set up dessert plates, decorate, sold raffle tickets, cleared tables and assisted at the live auction.  It was so great to see how many teenagers were willing to spend their Saturday volunteering for such an important and worthy cause.

Mom was at the ocean with her sisters but Stepdad was able to come, here he and I are talking to husband and brotherinlaw.  I am going to have to have a word with Stepdad regarding the horror he calls a haircut!

I don't know how much money we raised yet but I do know it was a LOT.  Husband shocked the shit out of me by bidding on and buying a six day, six night safari trip to AFRICA!  It's the trip of a lifetime and I still can't quite believe that he actually bought it.  I'm so excited!  We have 2 years to use it so I have to get planning.  Mom, can you watch the kids for us....

A Guilt Trip From Me to You

I donated blood today and the volunteers practically fell to their knees in gratitude when I walked in the door.  Apparently their supply of my blood type, O negative, was dangerously low.  It was less than 45 minutes from start to finish, I got to catch up on my twittering and blog reading with no interruptions from my offspring and when I was done I got free juice and cookies.  Score!

So, when was the last time you donated blood?  You can give whole blood every 56 days and platelets much more often than that.  It's a super-easy way to make a huge difference in someone's life.  (Or to help buy your way into heaven if you are old and mean.)

Find out where your local blood center is and make an appointment to donate.

Pass it on.