Beautiful Baby Girls

I'm in Denver where - thankfully - Spanish teacher is recovering nicely. We visited the girls at the NICU today where I got to hold them and make goo-goo noises at them and generally make a total fool out of myself.

It was wonderful!

They are gaining weight, starting to nurse and doing a good job keeping their body temperatures up. Hopefully they will be able to come home soon where their big brother and sister are eager to get to know them better.

Thanks for all the prayers and get well vibes, everyone is on their way to getting healthy!

Crazy Making

Ninety-nine percent of the time being in a bi-cultural marriage (Fancy!  I didn't know that's what I was in until Marvelous Mom's church ladies asked me to come and speak to their group on the subject!) is a total non-issue for Husband and I.  He was 16 when he jumped into a pool without checking for water first and moved to the states with only the clothes on his back so he has assimilated (BORG!) into American culture seamlessly.  

We only fight about normal things like the fact that he never listens to anything I say so I have to tell him things forty-eleven times before they sink into his thick skull and the fact that he still hasn't re-caulked the fucking BATHTUB even though it started to mold WEEKS ago!!!

Sorry - got a little worked up there...

My point is that the fact that he was born and raised in Iran and I was born and raised in the US has never been an issue for us.

Except when his mother visits.

Intellectually I know that Iran is a rabidly patriarchal society (unlike the U.S. which is only common cold-ly patriarchal) and that Motherinlaw is a product of seventy some odd years of that culture.  However, knowing that does absolutely NOTHING to offset the unbelievable frustration with her behavior, most of which is the product of her culture.  The rest of it is age related.  I know because Grandmother acts the exact same way.  It's uncanny sometimes.

When a woman lives in a rabidly patriarchal society, she learns to get her way by being passive-aggressive, manipulative and emotional.  At least that is what Motherinlaw does to get her way.  I think my deduction that it is a result of her cultural heritage is pretty spot on because when first your father, then your husband and then your oldest son can do whatever they deem best for your life regardless of your own wishes and desires then you HAVE to be a sneaky bitch.

This is not to say that Motherinlaw's husband was a tyrant - he peeled her tomatoes for her for fucks sake, or that her oldest son who just happens to be Husband's brother is not trying to do what she wants, she is just physically and mentally incapable of being straight with him.  She tells him she is just fine staying here another two months - because that's what she thinks he wants to hear - and then when he is not around she makes my poor sisterinlaw's life a living hell.  (Lucky for me it is their turn to have her staying at their house, I got the first tour of duty this year.)

She really isn't a nasty person, or even bitchy, this is just how she deals with unexpected circumstances that have postponed her planned return to Iran.  I totally understand that she wants to go home but I also am frustrated that she won't be straight with her sons about what she wants and flat out refuses to make the last leg of the trip - from Europe to Tehran - by herself because she is afraid of getting lost in the airport in Tehran.  The city she lives in.  Surrounded by people who speak the same language she does.  With signs posted in the same language she reads.  It's calculated helplessness and it's driving me around the fucking bend!!!

The end result of all these shenanigans is that Husband will be taking her back to Iran on July 31st and returning on August 9th.  It is safer for him to take her because he is not a U.S. citizen like his brother, but given the precarious political situation there right now I'm still very nervous about him making the trip.  Not to mention that he wasn't originally going to be the one to take her home so he has to rearrange his entire life to do so.

I am trying very hard to keep my BIG FAT MOUTH shut about everything and not lash out at husband because I'm frustrated with his mom.  I *know* it's cultural, I *know* she's an old lady and isn't going to change anytime soon and I *know* I don't understand but it's still driving me bonkers!  So y'all get to read my rant instead.  Lucky you!

But if husband gets thrown in an Iranian jail I will show Motherinlaw what a strong, straight-talking, direct woman looks like!  ;)

Sunshine, Koi and Turtles

Husband's Mom is truly a sweet lady.  She is very loving and a good sport about doing anything we want to do.  She isn't demanding and doesn't boss us around in our own home like I know some mother-in-laws do.  But that doesn't mean she isn't high maintenance.  *wink*  

Her health is terrible, largely because when she is home in Tehran she doesn't take her medications regularly or take good care of her health in general.  I have to give her all her meds when she is here because otherwise she doesn't take them.  Arthritis in her spine has almost crippled her and she cannot walk or stand for very long at all without horrible pain.  But GOD FORBID she should sit in a wheelchair!  So we haven't been going out as much this year.

And walking is v  e  r   y   s   l   o   w  with mother-in-law.  She and Grandmother are a couple of turtles now.  They've both slowed down a LOT in the last year and when we go shopping it is exactly like taking two turtles for a walk.

However, the Japanese garden at the Seattle arboretum is a great place to take someone who can't walk very far because it is full of places to sit and rest and enjoy the scenery.  So yesterday that is where we went.  Here is husband and mother-in-law...

At the entrance to the garden you can buy a bag of koi food for $1 so we bought some, started a koi feeding frenzy and the Things put their toes in the water for the koi to nibble on.  I can't get over how HUGE the koi are!

It was so nice to see the kids enjoying some time outdoors, relaxed and happy all together.  Daughter was watching a blue heron and the Things were watching the fish.  I think they would have happily sat here all day if we had let them.

Doesn't daughter look thrilled to be out with her whole family?  This is right at the beginning of the garden before the relaxing atmosphere had time to melt away her moody, sulky attitude.  It sure did the trick though, I plan on taking her there once a week this summer, by the end of the day she was ALMOST pleasant!

So far this summer has been a lot of fun, I dearly love having the kids home all day and not being a slave to a schedule.  We can do what we want when we want to and it is wonderful.

It's Not a Cultural Thing, It's Just an Age Thing

Having Motherinlaw here has made me think that perhaps some of Grandmother's quirks are not just due to her personality but also due to her age.  Grandmother is 92, Motherinlaw is not quite sure how old she is but it's in the range of 80ish and it is absolutely astonishing to me how alike they are in some of their behaviors even though they are nothing alike in their personality and are from two very culturally different places (Australia & Iran).

One example is when they are shopping.  They both like to push a cart.  I chalk that one up to age because their balance is not great.  But they are oblivious to other people in stores and take up the entire aisle, not moving aside for others who are shopping.  When we were at Target, they walked SIDE BY SIDE pushing carts, moving at a snails pace, and holding up everyone else in the store.  I finally had to tell Grandmother to MOVE because no one could get by her and she looked surprised - like she hadn't noticed there was anyone else there!  (I don't speak enough farsi to have told Motherinlaw so Grandmother got it.)  

Another thing they both do is interrupt.  No matter who is talking or what is going on, they will interrupt if they have anything to say, regardless of if it is pertinent to the conversation or not.  And everyone around them is expected to stop what they're talking about to listen to them.  Now neither one of them is a big talker so this is really less frustrating than it sounds and we laugh about it.  But it's curious how they both do it.

Many of their quirks are similar to little kids.  Grandmother can ruin an entire evening for everyone there if she feels she has been slighted and Motherinlaw bursts into tears if she is feeling left out or lonely.  Sound familiar to any parents out there?  Maybe as we get older we just think Fuck everyone else, I'm gonna go back to thinking everything is all about me - I've earned it.

I wonder if my own parents will morph into some of these behaviors as they get older.  My Mom has told me to whisper "grandmother" into her ear if she starts up and I suspect Stepmonster would cut my Dad's throat in his sleep should he ever try some of the shit that Grandmother and Motherinlaw do but it will be interesting to see if there is a magic age for obnoxiousness now that I am actively paying attention to it.

At least my life is not boring.

Elderly Complaints

WTF is it with people over 75-ish that makes them think they have carte-blanch to complain about every meal that is put in front of them?

I made dinner last night for husband and I and things one and two (daughter was out with friends), motherinlaw, grandmother, my mom and stepdad.  We had cotlets (meat, onion & potato thingies - they're Persian) rice, tadig (potatoes from the bottom of the rice - kinda like flat french fries with rice stuck to one side), grilled tomatoes, kick-ass salmon with onion & dill and salad.  I worked my ass off on it and both of the old ladies, um, I mean our lovely guest and my wonderful grandmother, had complaints about one thing or another.

Mom, Stepdad and husband all let me know how good everything was, even things one and two said something complimentary (they know what to do if they want to live to see another day) but the two old ladies only complained.  I know they don't realize they do this - grandmother is highly offended if anyone suggests that perhaps she is a wee bit negative in her observations about every fucking thing around her, but it is wearing on those of us who have to spend time with her.  I can't blame motherinlaw's whining on a cultural thing, she's super picky JUST LIKE MY GRANDMOTHER.

Is this an age thing?  Do I just bring out the worst in old ladies?  All I can say is that if they complain about another meal I fix for them, THEY can cook the damn dinner.  I will complain about the texture/shape/taste/look of whatever they make and push it around my plate without eating much.

Bring it on!

I hate pharmacies

Why does the person coughing up a lung always sit right next to me?  Even though there are numerous other empty chairs in the waiting area NOT close to other people?  I don't want whatever disgusting lung disease you are suffering from old man!!!

I got up and moved to another chair.  Now I'm going to go bathe in purell and rinse with bleach.  

blech.