Well I am taking the plunge and risking life and limb to visit the land of SHARKS WITH FRICKIN' LASERS!!! Marvelous Mom and I have decided to just do it...take the plunge and spend 2-3 weeks in between CONVICTS and GIANT SPIDERS with Scientist Genius Brother, his fabulous girlfriend and her family. It will be winter there...damn backwards/upside-down weather...but it will also be Australian Rules Football season. Think hockey, with no pads, no ice, and hot Aussie guys. I am TOTALLY gonna go to as many games as I can. Awesome Girlfriend's family are Carlton Blues fans - all except for her brother who is a Bombers fan. I don't know which team is the bombers but their scarves are red and they are the arch enemies of the Carlton Blues. I'm gonna go for the Blues because I want to stay in good standing with Awesome Girlfriend's father...do NOT get in between an Australian and his football club!
My other goal, besides getting to know Awesome Girlfriend's family, is to pet a kangaroo. Daughter has been lording it over me for two years that she got to pet kangaroos and I didn't, finally I will get to even it out. I'd really like to hold a Koala baby too but that might be too much to ask. (Daughter's favorite fact is that Koalas have butt-plates. She's not really my kid.)
Now I just have to break the news to Husband that I'm fleeing the continent in July. Oh. Wait. He OWES ME. Heh.
This mourning thing is so bizarre. I spend hours doing nothing but feel exhausted at the end of the day. School is next to impossible to care about...it doesn't feel important or meaningful anymore. When I have fun and temporarily forget that Nannie is dead, the remembering moment fills me with guilt for laughing and having fun.
All I want to do is lay in bed and sleep. Super productive no? Tomorrow is the end of daughter's spring break which means I have to get up in the morning, get dressed, go to my tutoring gig, take her to dance practice, supervise the work being done in our yard, etc. etc. Normal life is resuming. But I can't bring myself to care very much about it. It's a detached feeling, like I'm watching someone else's life.
I hope it gets better over time, this is no way to live.
This is something we found in Nannie's papers. She liked it so much she copied it down in her beautiful handwriting. Such a beautiful sentiment. And she was needed by so many people, not only one.
Several years ago we planted a tree in our yard in memory of a sweet little boy who died in a tragic accident. Shortly afterwards, Grandmother and I were in the car when she turned to me and asked - completely out of the blue - what kind of tree I would plant for her after she died?
The answer was instant, immediate, and LEAPT out of my mouth before I could stop it...
"A crabapple tree of course!"
Lucky for me she was in a good mood that day or my name would have been MUD. I inherited her phenomenal lack of tack and Nannie's Crabapple Tree has been a staple in our collection of family jokes ever since. Look what Scientist Genius Brother and I found at the hardware store the other day, right in front of us where we couldn't possibly miss it:
I'm choosing to believe that she had a good laugh right along with the two of us when we came across it.
After Dad and Stepmonster left, Scientist Genius Brother stayed with me for a week and helped me shop. As you can see, shopping is a favorite activity of his, especially in home stores that sell comfy chairs...
We met up with my awesome cousin, his wife, and their adorable baby...there is nothing like baby love to heal broken hearts.
And we let Daughter convince us to get her some sweats at Victoria's Secret...the pink umbrella they threw in is very cute...
Scientist Genius Brother left yesterday so now Daughter and I are on our own for two more weeks - Husband and the Things get home on April 17th. There is still some paperwork to complete but most of the detail stuff is done. We've decided to have a memorial service and her request - a "big ass party", that's a direct quote - in June so the maximum number of out of towners can make plans to attend. I'm exceedingly grateful that we don't have to completely empty out Grandmother's little apartment - it will be a guest area in our home now. But it seems so very lonely. The atmosphere is completely different in the entire house. I sometimes go into her bedroom to talk to her, it's nice to have a place where I still feel her presence.
When my guys get back we will begin finding the new normal for our now smaller family. We will laugh and cry and remember. We will move ahead with our plans and lives, exactly what Nannie wanted us all to do.