Sunday, April 10, 2011

Feeling Lost

This mourning thing is so bizarre. I spend hours doing nothing but feel exhausted at the end of the day. School is next to impossible to care doesn't feel important or meaningful anymore. When I have fun and temporarily forget that Nannie is dead, the remembering moment fills me with guilt for laughing and having fun.

All I want to do is lay in bed and sleep. Super productive no? Tomorrow is the end of daughter's spring break which means I have to get up in the morning, get dressed, go to my tutoring gig, take her to dance practice, supervise the work being done in our yard, etc. etc. Normal life is resuming. But I can't bring myself to care very much about it. It's a detached feeling, like I'm watching someone else's life.

I hope it gets better over time, this is no way to live.

This is something we found in Nannie's papers. She liked it so much she copied it down in her beautiful handwriting. Such a beautiful sentiment. And she was needed by so many people, not only one.


Nana said...

You have permission to grieve - we all do. Don't skip or scrimp; she was well loved and grief for our loss honors her love for us.

You aren't alone...

Nana said...

Be gentle and forgiving of yourself, darling daughter.

K. JONES said...

That is a beautiful note, Katy. Mourning is an odd thing. It's something I have tried to endure, but I realized that mourning is partially a reminder of how those we love have impacted our lives.

I'm keeping you in my thoughts.