Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Translating Teenagese

I know there are some people out there who are unfamiliar with the English dialect commonly known as Teenagese.  So for your edification, I have written a short pocket translating cheat sheet.  Feel free to print and keep in your pocket for easy access any time you come into contact with a human of the adolescent variety.

"I know" = "How dare you suggest that there is information that I am unaware of?  I know everything and suggesting otherwise is an unforgivable offense to the natural order of the universe."

"I will" (when in response to the second - or forty second - request to do something around the house) = "I will do it when I'm good and ready to stop texting/talking on the phone/drawing/reading and not before then.  And even then I may or may not do it depending on the weather, my mood at the time and if Mars and Venus are in alignment."

"Mom" = "Do not talk to me, look at me, walk next to me or in any other way suggest to the casual onlooker that we might be related in any way shape or form or I will drop dead of mortification on the spot AND IT WILL BE ALL YOUR FAULT."

"MOM!" = "I am about to slay the other products of your womb in the most hideous and gruesome way possible unless you intervene and spare their worthless lives."

"I'm hungry" = "You never buy anything actually edible.  Why is all this healthy crap the only thing to eat in the house?  I demand you drive me to the nearest junk-food restaurant immediately."

"I dunno" = "I'm not really listening to you but I don't want to listen to your latest version of lecture 2.0 so I'll give you a fake answer to shut you up for the moment."

That is all I have for now but I am quite confident that this list of commonly used teenage phrases will be added onto in the not-too-distant future.

And Mom?  Dad?  Have I apologized for my teenage years lately?  I'm so so sorry!


The Hotfessional said...

What about "I forgot". Y'know, the whole teenage Alzheimer's thing? ;-)

EmBee said...

You neglected to mention the non-verbal, brain rattling, EYE ROLL.

Meaning: You, my dear parent, are SO beyond help and your coolness factor is at an all time low.

theglassdragonfly said...

All I have to say is: Yes, I have experienced all of these...especially the "I know" one. Followed closely by "I will". Yeah, right.

MOM #1 said...

Don't forget the ever-popular in this house, "Obviously." It translates into "How on earth did you get to be almost 40 years old yet you know absolutely nothing and I know EVERYTHING." I think when I was a teenager, the literal translation was "DUH!"

Christy said...

Yeah--I'm with Embee--the eye roll is classic! But you forgot to mentione that they don't have to be teenagers to speak the lingo. My 12 y/o has been doing it since she turned 11!

EmBee said...

Oh yeah, another one I get a LOT is the 'letting the air out of the tires sound'... You know the one?
Meaning: Yeah right!, Oh sure!, Whatever!

That's a fav of the teens in THIS house.

Nana said...

"Chill" is another one that would drive me bonkers, meaning "Your emotions are showing, Mom, so get a grip." Oh, yeah. "Get a grip." Sent me right up a wall.

Nana said...

And on the 17th you will have THREE, yes 3, teenagers living with you. I was never that brave.

Kate said...

I was never like that.
But I am now.

Go figure.