Saturday, November 14, 2009

My Laminated List

According to Urban Dictionary, a laminated list is "a list of the top 5 people, usually celebrities, with whom you could have sex with without repercussions, if the opportunity arose, regardless of whether you were in a relationship or not". I think it originated with the television show Friends but that might be my imagination.

My list is a little odd according to SOME people but what can I say, I like old bald guys. (And besides, she's got the hots for Horatio Hornblower which is proof positive that she isn't in her right mind.)

First up is Johnny Depp who is on the laminated list of every heterosexual woman in the known universe. I fell in love with him in 1987 when, at the age of 13, I first saw him on the television show "21 Jump Street". I'm pretty sure that's the day my hormones kicked in. (Apologies to my parents for TMI.)

But c'mon, he is hotness personified. Droooool... And STFU about the fact that he's smoking. His shirt is off and that's all that matters.

Next is another popular actor, but with a caveat. I LOVE Orlando Bloom and would gladly sacrifice my marriage vows to him (back off, Husband can have Angelina Jolie with my blessing anytime she wants him) but he has GOT TO have pointed ears and long, blonde, straight hair and a quiver full of arrows on his back. He's hottest when he's Legolas from LOTR. Sigh...

The next one pretty much explains why I married husband. I mean check out the pic below and then check out the first picture in this post - I love Omar Sharif so much I married a guy that looks just like him!

I have endured several lifetimes worth of CRAP about the next person on my list but no matter, he is GOD as far as I'm concerned and the fact that he is a misogynistic pig and probably couldn't get it up with a barrel-ful of viagra does not change the fact that I've been in lust with him ever since I can remember. (At least he's still alive - unlike Omar up there.)

Sean Connery...

And last but certainly not least is Captain Picard. Er, I mean Patrick Stewart. Obviously I have a problem - Old and Bald is my fetish - but there is something about "Warp Speed Number One" in his silky accented voice that makes me weak in the knees and has for quite a few years now.

So there you go. Who's on your laminated list?


Michael said...

I completely agree with you about bald men. Which is funny since my husband sported long hair for many years (he has since seen the light, thank goodness). Yul Brynner would have to be on my list!

MOM #1 said...

You are so funny! I remember that episode of Friends when Ross was all phycho and laminated his list.

Good times!

Did you forget Yule Brenner? He was the most beautiful bald man on the planet. Yum!

Katy said...

Yay! Two other people who love Yul Brynner! He is my #6 but I can't get stupid blogger to let me put more than five pictures on a post. Will Smith is #7, The Rock (swoon!) is #8, Brad Pitt is #9 (talk about aging gracefully!) and President Obama is #10. He can sign my bills into law anytime he wants! lol

Yo is Me said...

oh, hello mr. connery.

mike rowe
ben bailey

Jason, as himself said...

Johnny Depp: Sometimes super hot, sometimes not.

Orlando Bloom: same as Johnny

Omar Sharif: Okay. I can see the allure, although your husband is hotter.

Sean Connery: Bleh.

Patrick Stewart: Hmm. It must be the silky voice.

You really do like old bald guys! I'm older than you and my tastes don't venture into the age bracket of the last three.

Great post!

Heather, Queen of Shake Shake said...

You know, earlier today I would have said Johnny Depp but then I realized his hairless chest is kind of a turn off. So I'd put Bigfoot on my list.

Jon Stewart would be another. Funny + brain = rawr.

Steve Colbert could give Jon a run for his money in my #2 spot. I want to take his glasses off and ruffle up his hair.

Jeff Corwin

Do you see a pattern?

And I'm just going to throw this one out there, but the #5 position is liable to change.

James McAvoy.

Shelly... said...

I am so behind on my reading...sigh. WHATEVER about Horatio! He is still #1 on my laminated list. At least he was born in the same century as us! Johnny is pretty hot and he did just make People's Sexiest Man of the Year again. Remind me to show you how to put more than 5 pictures on at a time.