Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Business Cards

I realize that it is completely juvenile and idiotic but I have ALWAYS wanted business cards. They're just so grownup and, well, businesslike! None of my jobs (office assistant, house slave to three children, geriatric nurse, personal assistant and laundry folder for husband, volunteer sucker and student) have been the kind of jobs that I might get business cards for.

So I've decided to take the bull by the horns (or balls, I think that would be more effective) and order my own business cards. What do you think? This template came from Zazzle. I was gobsmacked at how many results come up when I googled "ridiculous business cards"!


Or should I change the "weird magnet" image to this one? I am NOT a Garfield fan but the sentiment seems appropriate...


This one is so accurate it's slightly alarming - like looking in a mirror - check out the bags under her eyes! If I picked it I would want extra points for honesty...


Or how about this? The spinning head and inability to pick which task to attend to first is a situation I have close, personal, intimate experience with...


So which one should I go with? Or I could Halloween-ize a photo of myself if I want to go for a business card that ensures I will never ever get called or emailed by anyone I give it to! That would be an anti-business card, I could give it to people who want me to volunteer for anything!

A twitter picture stolen from a tweet from one of the eleventy-zillion porn-spammers on twitter would be perfect for anything related to the kids being in trouble. I can imagine it now...

"My child punched/bit/threw up on/stole from/swore at your child? I am SO SORRY! Here is my business card, please call me at your convenience so we can discuss it. The phone call will cost you $5.00 a minute..."

Anti-business cards, now maybe that would be the way to go...

Just edited for a spelling error that daughter pointed out. I knew I had kids for a reason.

5 comments:

Yo is Me said...

you would have to scribble in there somewhere "whoring".

heh.

i want one!! would you hand it out to your kids' friends' parents?

now you need a business card HOLDER!! google THAT one!

:*

homework sucks. can i send nephew to your house for three months? wait, he might like it.

Pat said...

I'm serious Katy, you should be getting a book deal soon if the right people look at your blog. Just look at the great cookbook deals these 2 bloggers got: http://thepioneerwoman.com and http://orangette.blogspot.com.

I love your shit.

MOM #1 said...

I'm definitely feeling option #3.

Christy said...

I always wanted business cards too!!! And Yo's right--you have to put whoring in there...and probably drinking too. I like the head spinning one the best. It doesn't look like you, but it sure is accurate!

Shelly... said...

Yep, whoring for sure has to be added. I have had business cards for several jobs but have never made it at the job long enough to finish the box. Heh.
Maybe because they were boring (the cards & the jobs). I like your ideas better!