No On Prop 8

I found this pic on Reclaiming Miss Havisham and she got it from Inside Bay Area.  I can't decide which family has the bigger balls.  If you live in the Bay Area, it takes some pretty big ones to put a ginormous Yes on Prop 8 sign on your house but the response (totally legal for 72 hours) of two women who parked the SUV painted with "Bigots Live Here" is pretty ballsy too.

I'm gonna award this one to the two women who parked the painted SUV for creativity above and beyond!

If you live in Cali, vote No on Prop 8, if you don't then donate to the No on Prop 8 campaign.  If this thing passes there it will just be a matter of time before it spreads to other states like a virus.

Helping With Homework

Is this not the cutest thing ever?!?  (I only want the grandparents to answer that question!)  Of course they were trying to kill each other minutes later but still...  Thing 1 was making a "Don't Smoke" poster for his science class and Thing 2 offered to help him color in the drawings.

Tomorrow I will try to figure out how to work the scanner on my new printer/scanner/does the dishes machine and scan in the rough draft of the poster.  It's pretty funny in a weirdo 90 year old in a 12 year old body kind of way.

Never Boring

I'll spare y'all the angst I've already spewed about our decision to enroll Thing 2 in an online school this year - you've probably already read it and I am much too lazy to write it all out again.

(Don't you just love *y'all*?  It's the best thing to come out of the South aside from fried chicken!)

So guess what?  We're putting Thing 2 back into "regular" school.

Why?  Oh alright, I guess I should justify this decision for the grandparents so they don't think I'm shirking my responsibility to educate their grandson to the best of my ability.

He. Is. Bored. Stiff.

It is taking him approximately three nanoseconds to get through the curriculum, leaving him the entire rest of the day to fart around doing nothing productive other than helping out Grandmother and playing with the dog.  He's not officially allowed any screen time on school days but I'm 99% sure that rule is out the window on the days that I am in class and not at home to monitor his activities, which is every non-school day of the week.  He's so bored that he has ASKED to go back to school because he misses the other kids.  (If you know him you will realize what a huge change this is from last year and if you don't know him you will have to take my word for it.)

And as much as I would like to do the homeschooling Mom thing and get into all the extra activities and groups that I know are out there, I cannot do that while I am in school myself.  Not finishing my college degree now is not an option either.  Husband is working himself into an early grave and when I finish school and go to work, he will be able to ramp down his business and pursue his own dreams and aspirations.  As nice as it would be to be supermom, husband's health and well-being has got to come first.  Especially when there are other options, good ones, out there for Thing 2.

So we have explored many ideas, including private schools, and decided that the best place for Thing 2 is back in our local school district but in a different middle school than he attended last year and different than the one that Thing 1 still attends.  It is a larger school and therefore has more programs and electives that will keep him challenged, he can move ahead into Algebra and there are lots of other very bright but "quirky" (such a nice way of saying weird!) kids that I think will be a great peer group for him.  It is a school that daughter attended for 2 years so I have a relationship with the principal and many of the staff and regardless of what anyone tells you, that makes a difference.  Husband and I have always been super involved in the kids schools, with parent groups and volunteered in classrooms.  The principal not only is welcoming of Thing 2 coming into her school, she and the rest of the staff are eager to have us as parents back and I know that will help Thing 2 in the transition.

This will also give him an opportunity to develop relationships on his own rather than as part of a unit of ThingOneandThingTwo.  It was interesting that when we talked with the boys about the different options, one of which was for Thing 2 to return to the same middle school as an 8th grader (the test scores confirmed what we already know, the kid is scary-smart), Thing 1 totally freaked out.  He likes being just Thing 1 too and doesn't want to go back to being part of the twin unit that they have always been, even though he didn't have any visible problems when they were together.

I've started the process of re-registering him in our district and getting the intra-district waiver formed signed and he should start after Veteran's Day which is the beginning of a new grading period.

Sometimes I wish that Moses would come down the mountain (Mt. Rainier? Mt. St. Helens?) and give me a stone tablet with the "right" decision engraved on it so I would know and not have to give myself an ulcer worrying about what is best for my kids.  Husband is very pragmatic and says "if it's right, it'll work out, if not, we'll go from there.  No sense in stressing out over it."  I, on the other hand, am having a hard time not pulling my fucking hair out over this.  The decisions you have to make when they're teenagers make the whole breast vs. bottle decision controversy pale in significance.

It's ok to have wine with my lunch, right?

Fourteen and Nineteen

Daughter's fourteenth birthday was yesterday.  She was born five years to the day after her boycousin.  He turned nineteen.  They used to fight like cats and dogs but now they're buddies.  Daughter thinks boycousin walks on water and I'm convinced that his advice to her about high school is responsible for her much improved grades.  

(We've been telling her the exact same things for years but we are dumber than dirt.  Boycousin is a genius and therefore she is following his advice to the letter.)

They are both cut-ups, evidenced by their silly poses for the camera.

It is more than a little uncanny how alike in their personalities they are.  They talk for hours about music, bands they like and concerts they want to go to.  Boycousin gives daughter advice on school, boys and dealing with pressure to conform and looks after her when he brings her along with him and his friends to the movies or the waterfront to "hang out".  She didn't get a big brother but boycousin is just as good.

But we still won't let her go visit him at college for the weekend by herself.  Nice try kiddo!

The Meanest Mom in the World

I just got an email that daughter's school will be closed tomorrow because the sprinklers malfunctioned and flooded the second floor.

But I'm not telling daughter until she finishes her homework...

McCain Gets An Endorsement

Al-Qaeda has endorsed McCain as the best candidate to further their goal of exhausting the U.S. militarily and economically.

I wonder how McCain is going to spin this little gem.  And after this, who in their right mind would support McCain?

I Am Random and Weird

The Girl Next Door Tagged Me (and boy does that toe-tag get in the way while I'm sleeping) so here are seven random and weird facts about me for your edification.

1. I cut husband, things one and two and daughters fingernails and toenails.  I love to pick at stuff so this satisfies my picking urge and gets them well groomed at the same time.  (Daughter has the stinkiest feet in the bunch!)

2. When I was a kid I wanted to be a coroner when I grew up.  Just think, no malpractice suits - the patients are already dead so how much more could you fuck them up?  This dream went up in smoke when I realized how many science classes I would have to take AND PASS to get through the schooling.  Mad Scientist Brother got all the science genes in the family.

3. Making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches is an art.  The peanut butter must be totally even and go all the way to the edge of the bread, butter must be applied on the other side with the jelly on top of it.  That way the jelly doesn't soak into the bread and make the sandwich soggy.  I take forever to make pb&j's but they are AWESOME.  Stop laughing.

4. PB&J's aside, I hate to cook.  Actually it's more like I hate to make dinner every night.  I don't mind cooking when I have the time but the day to day what the hell are we going to have for dinner game totally makes me want to scream.  So we eat out a lot.  And husband cooks a lot.  I am a lucky girl.

5. I love the smell of gasoline and rubber cement.  I remember sniffing rubber cement in elementary school.  I probably managed to get myself high once or twice on it.  And when I'm putting gas in my car it's all I can do not to stick my nose in the tank and take a deep whiff.

6. Black licorice is evil and should be abolished from the face of the earth.

7. If I use the bathroom at your house and the toilet paper is put on WRONG (as in hanging down behind the roll instead of in front of the roll) I will take it off the roll and turn it around.  Every time.  I am the toilet paper direction police.  Maybe I should write a grant to get better funding.

I'm supposed to tag seven random people to do this so I'm gonna tag Shelly (who gets really pissy when I turn her toilet paper around!), Christy, Laurel (It must be your week for games of tag!), Embee, Suburban Correspondent, Mom #1 and Hotfessional.

Back to the homework grind.  I wonder if I could buy a paper for this class online....

Homecoming 2008

Well, everyone survived Homecoming.  Daughter and her BFF had a wonderful time at the football game on Friday night and the dance on Saturday night.  Husband and I took the girls to Anthony's for dinner and then we all went to the dance.  Due to a problem with the camera flash (that had NOTHING at all to do with the fact that I dropped it), we didn't get any pics at the dance but there are several from beforehand.

This is daughter all dressed up in the school colors for the football game.  At this time of year it's easy to find orange & black clothes!

Here she is posing for the camera and laughing at something goofy husband said.

Here are the girls mugging for the camera.  (Angels they are NOT!)

And finally daughter and a camera-shy Grandmother.

Husband and I survived our chaperoning duties with no ill effects although both of us are glad that this event only comes around once a year.  We will be doing it again in the future though, if only to prevent our daughter from dancing in a way that looks like simulated sex with clothes on.  My GOD the way a few of the older kids were dancing was practically pornographic!  The school staff that were there got to deal with that particular issue.  

I have to say that for the most part, the kids were very well behaved and had a really good time.  It was fun to see them all dressed up and playing grownup.

Husband and I even got to dance a bit, especially whenever daughter came around to our assigned area.  It's not often that I see her move SO QUICKLY to get the hell away from her parents.  It was highly amusing!

I Have a Foul Mouth

My Dad and Stepmonster will be so proud.  Almost all of my pages include cussing!  Shelly is really the person who allowed me to get in touch with my inner F-Bomb.  

My Marvelous Mother is very sweet, nice and kind (I know, hard to believe we're related) and she RARELY utters any bad words.  I was sixteen the first time I ever heard her say "shit" and was so shocked that my jaw dropped to the floor.

Stepmonster on the other hand taught her best friend's two year old some very choice words while babysitting her (I seem to recall the phrase "God Dammit Cookie Monster" being uttered) and continued the tradition with daughter.  Daughter was about 9 or 10 when she told Dad & Stepmonster's neighbor kid to "shut the hell up".  We laughed and laughed when the other kids told us what daughter had said.  (In her defense, he was a supremely irritating little shit.)

So there it is, I am a foul-mouthed monster destined for hell.

Fuck.

I Have a Foul Mouth

My Dad and Stepmonster will be so proud. Almost all of my pages include cu

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Homework with a Double Chin

Daughter is looking for revenge because husband and I are BOTH chaperoning the Homecoming Dance on Saturday.  So she took a pic of me doing homework, while drinking wine and with a double chin.  Awesome.

Don't give me any shit about the wine either.  If you had to write a paper in which you "define mediate, domesticate, and commodify as used by Weaver-Zercher...and write an argumentative essay in which you state whether Mackall mediates, domesticates, and commodifies the Swartzentruber Amish (or other Amish groups) in his book...provide the best examples to support your answer and demonstrates your argument" in no more than 5 pages maximum, YOU WOULD BE DRINKING TOO!

The Debate Watch You Will?

I'm looking SO forward to it.  And hoping that Colin Powell makes his endorsement for Obama immediately after.  Republicans all over the country are not just jumping ship on McCain, they're jumping ship on the whole damn party.  It will be interesting to see if this is the crisis that allows a third party to get a foothold in the system.

I love politics!

see Sarah Palin pictures

My First Homecoming in 15 years

Husband and I hate our daughter.  We are evil parents sent straight from hell to torment her.  We want her to have a non-existent social life and to be shunned by her peers as if she were a leper.  She has informed us of this because, we are, BOTH of us, chaperoning the Homecoming Dance on Saturday night.  I was thinking of this look for my dress, what do you think?

No?  Are you sure?  If I am going to be a demonic evil parent to my teenage daughter I thought I should do it properly.  Well, alright, if you insist.  I will go with something less eye-catching.  Daughter has requested that we dress in clothing the same color as the paint on the walls of the school gym and stand very still against the wall at all times.  

Husband was toying with the idea of renting a baby blue ruffled tuxedo but the cost was prohibitive.  (As in it would cost money - rather than be totally free like the slacks and shirt from 1987 that are hanging in his closet.  They're from The Oaktree, remember that store in the malls back in the day?  Yeah, he doesn't get dressed up often.)

Now I have to dig my cattle-prod out of the closet to have justincase some nasty boy wants to dance with my precious daughter.  What?  Husband wanted to borrow a shotgun, I think a cattle-prod is a good compromise....

Sleeping Beauty

Daughter came home from school today at 2:40 and went to sleep.  She's still asleep and it's now 7:20pm.  At this point I'm hoping she sleeps all the way through the night rather than waking up for a few hours and getting her sleep schedule all messed up.

My money says she stayed up half the night last night reading.  The Terry Goodkind series she's into right now must be REALLY good.

Either that or she's having another growth spurt.  She's already 5' 9" so growing a bunch more is not necessary.  Oh well, at least I have someone to reach the stuff on the top shelf for me.

A Beer Can Dress!

Did you know that it was possible to crochet a dress out of beer cans?  Me neither.  But Stitchy McYarnpants has done it.  Absolute FASHION GENIUS!  Here's a close up of the skirt.

And here is the back of the exquisite gown being modeled by her hubby.  Look at him posing, QUITE the supermodel thankyouverymuch.  I bet he made her put a bowl of m&m's in his dressing room with all the red ones carefully picked out and the m's turned right side up in neat little rows.  We know how you supermodels are!

This dress was created for "Miss West Virginia", Shelby Free, to wear in a pageant that will raise money for Aid for AIDS.  So go check it out and give some props to Stitchy for her AMAZING artwork and Shelby for wearing it.  In public.  On a stage.  In front of lots of PEOPLE!

Do you think Stitchy can make me a red wine bottle dress?

This Class is Going to Make my Brain Explode

I have to write a biographical essay in which I am "participating in [the] dialectical process of the internalization of reality through primary and secondary socialization".

Somebody shoot me.

Punishment

I think I'm being punished for going on two vacation weekends in three weeks.  Or maybe for getting totally trashed on Saturday night, effectively wasting one whole day to a hangover and increased seasickness.  Or maybe because I say FUCK a lot - sometimes even in front of my kids.

Daughter is puking.

Thing 2 has a fever.

And Thing 1 sounds like a three pack a day for forty years smoker - it's gotta be a case of bronchitis brewing.  Or he's hiding his nicotine habit really well.

Oh yeah, whole lotta fun happening here.

McCain & Palin are Desperate

Did you watch the debate last night?  Did you see McCain nudge his wife to take Obama's extended hand to shake so he wouldn't have to?  Hear McCain call Obama "That One"?  His hatred for Obama was palpable.  He looked like an angry bitter man pissed off that he is losing the election.  Or an angry bitter two year old who is mad because it's his bedtime.

In a New York Times editorial from today, they said McCain and Palin are "running one of the most appalling campaigns we can remember...far beyond the usual fare of quotes taken out of context and distortions of an opponent's record - into the dark territory of race-baiting and xenophobia".  Given that these were the tactics used against McCain by the Bush campaign in 2000 - remember the rumors of an out of wedlock black child fathered by McCain that turned out to be his adopted daughter from Bangladesh? - I'm appalled that he would fall to such a low.  

And Palin is ENJOYING her rabble rousing.  She positively delights in comments from the crowd shouting "kill him" and "traitor", referring to Obama, when she is addressing a crowd of her supporters.  This from a woman who has strong ties to a secessionist party (she has addressed their convention MORE THAN ONCE) in her home state of Alaska.  Watch the clip from The Jed Report:

This whole campaign is totally out of control.  I think the way McCain has allowed it to deteriorate, along with his choice of Palin for his Vice-Presidential running mate make a pretty good argument that he is in the grips of early dementia or alzheimer's.

Or he is just totally fucking crazy.  Either way I don't want him anywhere near the Presidency.  I wouldn't even want him teaching my kids high school poli-sci class.

Canadian Cruise (or Why Didn't We Go to Mexico?)

We had such a wonderful time catching up, laughing, drinking, shopping and eating.  Here we are on the teeny tiny balcony of our stateroom.

The emergency drill was the perfect photo-op.  Don't we look lovely in orange?

Spanish teacher had never been to Canada so we disembarked in Victoria, B.C. and shopped til we dropped.  There is an adorable Christmas store there where I picked up a gorgeous hand-painted tree ornament for my collection and we found a great jewelry store where we bought our commemorative jewelry.  Spanish teacher's Mom taught her that when you visit somewhere, you buy a piece of jewelry from a local artist as your souvenir of the trip.  We think that is the best idea ever so we followed suit.  

Of course we found necklaces and one can't buy the necklace without matching earrings so we got two pieces for ourselves.  They are absolutely stunning and I'll post some pics later when I get all dressed up and wear them.

We didn't make it through the museum, but the museum gift shop was almost as good.  And high tea at The Empress Hotel was all sold out (could you hear me crying?) so we had to make due with a pot of tea for me and Diet Coke for Spanish teacher in the Bengal Lounge instead.  There was a terrific wind and rain storm in the afternoon and getting back on the ship was like walking through a wind tunnel.

Because of the combination of hangovers and sea-sickness (I'm pretty sure that puking at 8pm the night AFTER the party night indicates sea-sickness and not a hangover.  No hangover could possibly last that long, right?) we didn't get off the ship in Nanaimo but it looked very pretty from the deck.

I take Spanish teacher to the airport at 2pm today so we are going to fit some more fun into these last few hours and then go back to reality.  It's been so much fun and we've decided that instead of buying each other gifts for birthdays and Christmas, we are going to take a trip like this every couple of years.

But next time we are going somewhere warm!

Generic Rubbers and Girly Vacations

I get to spend all weekend and then some with the friend who gave husband this:

You see, husband has a reputation for being a little bit, um, thrifty. (Actually he *is* a cheap fucker, just ask Stepmonster) We were going to spend a few days in New Orleans with my BFF spanish teacher and her husband computer wiz, celebrating their ten year anniversary. They got there several days before us and found these generic rubbers for cheap fuckers and computer wiz and spanish teacher decided to buy one and wait until husband said something about the high prices of things in N.O.

It happened approximately one hour after we got off the plane, when we were looking at the menu in Pat O'Brien's. Husband made a comment along the lines of "Holy Shit! Look at these PRICES!" and spanish teacher and computer wiz flipped this in front of him.

I have never laughed so hard in my entire life.

So tomorrow spanish teacher arrives in Seattle and Friday we leave for a four-day cruise in Puget Sound. Four days with a friend I haven't spent nearly enough time with since she deserted me to move to Austin, Tx. (And then to Denver, CO - they like to move, it's a hobby)

We are going to drink, shop, drink, eat, drink, laugh and catch up on everything that's going on in our lives. I cannot wait! We met in 2003 and she is the sister I always wanted, an instant friend, and someone who would drop her entire life and get on a plane if I needed her. A friend like her is a rare gift and I thank my lucky stars for her every day. She and her husband and their two beautiful kids are family now.


Here we are on our way to a trip to the Mall of America in 2005. We are the queens of girly trips and need to take more of them. Maybe we'll let husband and computer wiz come along on the next one. If they're good.