I Miss Having a Life

So y'all know that I love politics. Some of my love is tarnished, the bloom is less bright, since Obama pulled shit like this - and I took a break for awhile - but I'm still following the news, political and otherwise. I have a ton of stuff I want to write about but I just don't have time.

Our accounts for ALL OF 2010 - let me reiterate that, one entire year's worth of accounting for two businesses and our personal crap - needs to be synched from the heavenly wonderfulness that is online banking into Quickbooks Pro and then classified so I can give it to our accountant. Barf. I wonder if I can teach the kids how to do it?

Homework, homework, homework. The reading, the writing, the Community Service Learning project that requires a minimum of 20 hours of volunteer work with adolescents. The fieldwork for another project. The fucking 200-level geography class that requires an online mapping tool that is about as user friendly as DOS. (Why oh why didn't I get all my endorsement classes in before I graduated? Stupid me.)

Puppy, getting old and arthritic dog, chickens, goats, cats...the kids do most of the animal care but not without reminders. Every day. For every task. That don't get done otherwise.

Grandmother was not doing well in November and December which means lots and lots of doctor appointments, prescriptions to keep track of, blah, blah. Thank GODDESS she's better now (when Grandmother is happy, everyone is happy. When Grandmother is not happy, I want to throw myself in front of a train.) but it's been tough.

Plus all that regular crap like laundry, cooking, cleaning, etc. Husband is a rock star in this department, I am a lucky woman.

So that's where I've been. But because I can't stand it anymore, here are my latest opinions on the news. Because I know you haven't been able to sleep at night not knowing what I think about them. You're welcome.

The Arizona shooting, holy shit what a mess. Along with the rest of the world I've been hoping and praying that the survivors come out ok and that the families of the dead can someday find peace with the whole thing. Thank you Ronald Reagan for gutting mental health care. Fucker. And if you haven't already, SIGN UP TO BE AN ORGAN DONOR! Tell your family you want your organs donated when you die. Tell them that if they don't donate your organs - because regardless of what your drivers license says, docs aren't going to harvest your organs if your next of kin won't let them - you will come back and haunt them in horrible and gruesome ways. Note to my family, I want my organs donated when I die. If you prevent that from happening I will visit you in your sleep and sing the worst earworm song ever. EVERY NIGHT.

This blog is a new favorite of mine. Yay for common sense replacing helicopter parenting!

I'm pretty sure that Amy Chua got a bum rap by the editors who published (and titled - wtf were they thinking?!) excerpts from her book as an essay but she still sounds like a condescending, stereotyping whack-job in this interview. Western parents and Chinese parents are single monoliths that can be reduced to permissive vs. strict? Wow, way to reduce two entire cultures into a sound bite. I'd like to read the book and see if it is as nuanced as she keeps claiming or if she's really just an attention whore. You know, in my spare time.

Joe Lieberman is retiring and I'm just as pissed as Emily Bazleton because I won't get to do my happy dance on election day when he loses. Jerk.

So what do you think? I'd love to hear your top stories or thoughts on these issues...

A Double Pregnancy Household of Hell

So have y'all seen the story about the Iron Chef Cat Cora and her wife Jennifer - both of whom are pregnant with their third and fourth children?

Now let me preface my totally unsolicited opinion by saying that I totally support the rights of gays to get married, have babies, adopt babies, foster babies and all of the other batshit crazy things that we straights have the right to do.  If they want to ruin their carefree, single, childless lives with spouses and short, demanding despots, who am I to stop them?  Proposition 8 in California is a hateful, bigoted piece of legislation and I hope it goes down in flames in either the California State Supreme Court or THE Supreme Court if the judges in California have their heads too far up their asses to see that it infringes on civil rights and is unconstitutional.

That said, can you IMAGINE living in a house with two pregnant women?

I was a raving, psycho bitch when I was pregnant.  Both times.  My entire body - not just my belly - swelled up like a hippopotamus, every joint in my body ached, I puked all day long and if I wasn't puking I wanted to.  My back hurt, my sciatic nerve cheerfully sent shooting pains down my legs in the middle of the night and my children were so active in utero that I was bruised internally from stem to stern. 

Let me just say that if you are the type of woman who cheerily tells pregnant women "You're pregnant?  What a blessing!  I never felt more wonderful, glowing and feminine than I did when I was pregnant.  I wish I could be pregnant all the time!" then DON'T TELL ME.  The last Gidget-impersonator who said that to me is permanently scarred from the encounter and I don't want to break another nail.

All of my lovely pregnancy induced discomfort, pain and hell made me a VERY crabby bitch.  I snarled at everyone, burst into tears at least three times a day and firmly felt that if I couldn't sleep then by GOD husband wasn't going to sleep because it's his fucking fault I feel like shit anyway so get the hell out of bed and go buy me some ice cream and I don't care that it's three o'clock in the morning!  Husband should have gotten a medal for putting up with me through two pregnancies.  Three beautiful, healthy children just wasn't enough of a reward for what I put him through.

So Cat Cora is pregnant, her wife is pregnant and they have a 22 month old and a 5 year old.  I don't know shit about Iron Chef but I assume it is a television show and I hope for Cat and her wife's sake that she makes a boatload of money at it because they are going to need to hire two slaves - one for each of them.  Otherwise who will go get them ice cream in the middle of the night?  Who will rub their feet?  Who will take care of their older kids because if they touch me or call MOMMY! one more time I will scream?

And then the babies will come!  Who will get them ice packs for their sore rears?  Who will get up and change the baby before bringing it to them in bed so they can rest and recover from pushing a watermelon out of their lady bits?  Who will bring them the box of tissues when they are sobbing their eyes out because THE KLEENEX *sob* COMMERCIAL IS *sob* JUST SO *sob* SWEET!  Who will call their Mom because one of them just wants her Mommy because holy fuck what was I thinking that I could have babies?

I wish Cat and Jennifer all the luck and money in the world, they are going to need it!  I think a top shelf liquor party would be the most appropriate for a baby shower.