Translating Teenagese Part 2

If you haven't read it already, go read Translating Teenagese Part 1. Go on, I'll wait.

So Part 2 is less of a direct translation and more of an explanation of cultural differences between teenagers and their parents. You see, just as if you were to travel to Japan or Russia (assuming you are an American), interacting with teenagers requires some knowledge of their basic customs and cultural norms. If you do not familiarize yourself with the customs and cultural peculiarities of teenagers *before* your offspring become teenagers you are in danger of committing an unforgivable faux pas and your progeny will never EVER let you forget about WHAT. YOU. DID.

I am somewhat of an expert on committing cultural faux pas having given my Iranian Mother-in-Law the thumbs up sign, not realizing that in Iran 'thumbs up' means the same as giving someone the middle finger here in the states. As I'm sure you can imagine THAT went over like a lead balloon. I'm not the favorite daughter-in-law THAT'S for damn sure!

Anyway, this is a public service announcement to help all of you avoid my own mistakes committed just this morning with my culturally mysterious teenage daughter.

If you make what seems to you an innocuous comment such as:

Why don't you put your hair up like you did the other day?

Or...

How about wearing that cute green belt with that dress?

Or...

Why don't you do your eyeshadow with the purple like you did for the dance?

Your teenage daughter who is NOT from the same culture as you will only hear this:

You are a hideous cretin who should just put a bag over your face and spare other people the pain of looking upon your grotesque features/hair/makeup/outfit.

So #LFMF and do not make ANY comments about your teenage daughters appearance other than saying something to the effect of you look stunningly beautiful and I need my sunglasses to shield my eyes from such glorious beauty.

You're Welcome.