No Pictures

How is it that whenever Husband is gone, the cats decide it is time to shower me with the fruits of their labors as a sign of their everlasting affection for me?

One morning it was a dead rat smack in the middle of the front doorway. A VERY LARGE rat with a super long icky rat tail.

The next morning it was a rat HEAD and some rat insides. I don't know which parts, I didn't look very closely. I puked in the front yard on my way to the garbage can with it.

Today it was a bunny rabbit. A totally full grown bunny rabbit. And a decapitated mouse. Both bodies were all there as far as I could tell, the cats must not have been hungry.

Four more days. Only four more days.

On the plus side we do not have a rodent problem.

Feeling Lost

This mourning thing is so bizarre. I spend hours doing nothing but feel exhausted at the end of the day. School is next to impossible to care about...it doesn't feel important or meaningful anymore. When I have fun and temporarily forget that Nannie is dead, the remembering moment fills me with guilt for laughing and having fun.

All I want to do is lay in bed and sleep. Super productive no? Tomorrow is the end of daughter's spring break which means I have to get up in the morning, get dressed, go to my tutoring gig, take her to dance practice, supervise the work being done in our yard, etc. etc. Normal life is resuming. But I can't bring myself to care very much about it. It's a detached feeling, like I'm watching someone else's life.

I hope it gets better over time, this is no way to live.

This is something we found in Nannie's papers. She liked it so much she copied it down in her beautiful handwriting. Such a beautiful sentiment. And she was needed by so many people, not only one.

A New Normal

Several years ago we planted a tree in our yard in memory of a sweet little boy who died in a tragic accident. Shortly afterwards, Grandmother and I were in the car when she turned to me and asked - completely out of the blue - what kind of tree I would plant for her after she died?

The answer was instant, immediate, and LEAPT out of my mouth before I could stop it...

"A crabapple tree of course!"

Lucky for me she was in a good mood that day or my name would have been MUD. I inherited her phenomenal lack of tack and Nannie's Crabapple Tree has been a staple in our collection of family jokes ever since. Look what Scientist Genius Brother and I found at the hardware store the other day, right in front of us where we couldn't possibly miss it:

I'm choosing to believe that she had a good laugh right along with the two of us when we came across it.

After Dad and Stepmonster left, Scientist Genius Brother stayed with me for a week and helped me shop. As you can see, shopping is a favorite activity of his, especially in home stores that sell comfy chairs...

We met up with my awesome cousin, his wife, and their adorable baby...there is nothing like baby love to heal broken hearts.

And we let Daughter convince us to get her some sweats at Victoria's Secret...the pink umbrella they threw in is very cute...

Scientist Genius Brother left yesterday so now Daughter and I are on our own for two more weeks - Husband and the Things get home on April 17th. There is still some paperwork to complete but most of the detail stuff is done. We've decided to have a memorial service and her request - a "big ass party", that's a direct quote - in June so the maximum number of out of towners can make plans to attend. I'm exceedingly grateful that we don't have to completely empty out Grandmother's little apartment - it will be a guest area in our home now. But it seems so very lonely. The atmosphere is completely different in the entire house. I sometimes go into her bedroom to talk to her, it's nice to have a place where I still feel her presence.

When my guys get back we will begin finding the new normal for our now smaller family. We will laugh and cry and remember. We will move ahead with our plans and lives, exactly what Nannie wanted us all to do.

Anyone want a crabapple?

Nannie

Beloved Mother and Grandmother

December 2, 1915 - March 25, 2011

"We cannot really love anybody with whom we never laugh." ~Agnes Repplier

Thank you for always laughing with us and loving us.

Grandmother with Things 1 & 2 - 1996

With Scientist Genius Brother and Daredevil Cousin, December 31, 1993

With me, 1974

With me, 1978

We love you always Nannie.

Hospice

Grandmother's stay in the nursing facility was short lived. She was rushed to the hospital in respiratory distress in the middle of the night last week and admitted to the hospital. While the hospital staff are wonderful, we were very grateful to be able to bring her home with hospice care on Saturday. She was very relieved to be home in familiar surroundings where there is plenty of room for everyone to come and spend time with her. I am especially grateful for it in the middle of the night when she has a bout of breathing trouble and I can give her her medicine and then sit with her holding her hand until it kicks in. Not being able to breathe is so scary and having someone there with her makes it easier for her.

And once again, the cavalry is here when we need them. My Aunt has care-taking experience and helped me bathe her, Uncle visits her, runs errands, and makes airport runs. BFF Cousin stays with her to give me a break - doing dishes and fixing her dinner too. Little-Bro Cousin brings his one and a half year old over to charm a smile out of Grandmother (the dimple does it every time) and my BFF brings her adorable 11 year old son and almost 1 year old daughter to visit. Dad and Stepmonster are flying in from Vegas (again) tomorrow, Teacher Cousin flies in on Wednesday, Scientist Genius Brother arrives from Australia on Thursday, and Salt Lake City Cousin will be here Saturday. Marvelous Mom will visit tonight and tomorrow and every day after that if I need her.

A long time ago, Husband and I made a conscious choice to invite Grandmother to live with us and be a daily part of our family. Part of making that choice meant taking on the responsibility for taking care of her health needs, no matter what happened. We made that choice happily and cheerfully and have never ONCE regretted it. We - and our children - have gained more from having her here with us than we could ever give back.

But I know that if we had not made that choice, someone else in the family would have. We have been so blessed with our family and friends and there are not enough words to express how much I value their love and support and how much it means to Grandmother to have everyone here loving her at the end of her years.

May everyone have such an incredible and loving support system.

Car Talk

It's no secret that I love cars. I love cars and I love to drive. I can identify by make & model 99.9% of the cars we see on the road and most of them by year. Headlights in my rearview mirror tell me what kind of car is back there. (Have you SEEN the new Audi headlights? AWESOME!) Jay Leno's car collection makes me green with envy. If I had a squillion dollars I would buy a new car every year. I'm impatiently counting down the years until I can have a fun car again and ditch the mom-mobile. I also may or may not have a reputation as a lead-foot. (A speeding ticket every year? Sometimes twice? MOI? Never happened.)

Nissan 370z? Volvo 370 hard-top convertible? Mini Cooper Turbo S? Jaguar XJ? In other news I am completely delusional.

Husband on the other hand is the only Iranian on the planet who is unwilling to spend obscene amounts of money on a car and thinks vehicles are nothing more than a tool from getting from point A to point B. Just my luck.

A road trip is my idea of the perfect vacation. Obviously. We've gone on enough for that to be apparent - I drove from SEATTLE to AUSTIN, TEXAS and back with three kids by myself! And had fun! I drove from Seattle to Berkeley to Las Vegas and back with two unbroken kids and a kid in a crotch to toes cast and rented wheelchair by myself and had fun! I love driving new routes, exploring new country, finding a ridiculous tourist trap to stop at in the middle of nowhere.

My dream vacation is to drive to Alaska - on the Alcan highway - with my Dad. I want to see where they lived in the Yukon when he was a kid, drive thru places like Chicken, Alaska and see his old high school in Anchorage. Someday we WILL do this!

I drove Marvelous Mom batshit crazy when I had my drivers permit - wanting to go to the grocery store, gas station, random locations anywhere just to get the chance to drive. And I got my drivers license the second I turned 16. When daughter was approaching drivability age I had daydreams about the two of us spending quality time in the car while she learned the fine art of avoiding speed traps. Ahem, I mean driving responsibly. And I can't deny that not having to ferry her all over the damn planet sounded pretty good. While I like to DRIVE, I have yet to master the fine art of being in two places at once so there are some pretty fancy mental gymnastics involved in making sure she and I are both where we need to be all the time.

Daughter hates driving.

Hates.

Driving.

WTF? Whose kid is she? We have a car for her to use all the time - a pretty nice car for a first timer I might add - it's my pre-minivan Acura MDX. We paid for drivers ed classes. And I have to yell and scream and roll on the floor to get her behind the wheel to practice. She turned 16 in October and has failed the written test twice - I swear just to prevent having to get her license and drive by herself.

WHERE DID I GO WRONG?

I'm not pushing it (much) because solo driving is too much of a responsibility for someone to do if they're not confident in their abilities but DAMN. If I hadn't been there when she was born I would swear she isn't my kid.

Luckily Thing 2 is showing signs of being eager to drive and paying attention to car makes and models - at least ONE member of the family will share my passion for all things automotive.

Vroom!

Better and Better

I've got walking pneumonia.

AWESOME!

On the plus side a good dose of antibiotics will get me back up and at 'em. Yay for modern medicine!