Communicating with a Teenage Girl

Yesterday daughter stayed after school to work on an art assignment.  She texted me in the morning to make sure it was ok and it went downhill from there.  Here's our "conversation"...

Daughter @ 10:48am

Hey mom, im gonna stay after school to work on my art, ok?

Me

Ok, I have to pick up thing two when I get out of class anyway so I can pick you up then.

Daughter

Ok.  Call me when youre gonna pick me up and ill go out front.  Also, can you pick me up before thing two?  I want the front seat  (My eyeballs are rolling all over the place at this)

Daughter @ 2:26 (school gets out at 2:20)

Wheen r u gonna be here?  I'm really hungry...

Me

I'M STILL IN CLASS!!

Daughter

Oh...Well hurry! im starving  (How do I hurry up a class that is over at a set time?  She is not a stupid child, I swear!)

Daughter @ 3:15

R U out yet?

Me

Just got out, it'll take me about 15 minutes to get there

Daughter

Aaargh...Hurry...And can we PLEASE get food after you pick us up?  I'm SO hungry... (At this point I'm wondering why in the hell she even bothered staying after school, if she had taken the bus home she would be HOME by now where there is FOOD)

Me

I won't let u starve - didn't u eat lunch?

Daughter

Noooo...I just want food, and none of the vending machines work, they never do (Now I want to know what the vending machines not working has to do with the fact that she was too stupid to eat lunch?!?) 

Call me when you get here...And youre still picking me up first, right? (She is just a LITTLE bit crazy over the front seat!)

Me

Yes

Daughter

Kay see you soon...Signed, your hungry daughter :P

Me

Goofball!

Daughter

Hungry goofball

Daughter @ 3:34

U here yet? Its been over 15 minutes...

At this point my head exploded and the blood and brains made a huge mess of the inside of my car.  It took me all evening to clean it up.

For a smart kid, she sure can be an idiot.