Whatever

Snowpocalypse 2012

2012-01-19T18:04:00.000-08:00

When it snows in the Seattle area, the whole town shuts down. The Oatmeal has a comic that pretty much sums up the conversation that everyone in Western Washington has been having lately. But I prefer the pictoral proof of Snowmaggedon descending upon Seattle...

And all my Facebook friends who were praying for snow, YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!

We have about 15 inches of snow at our place - well maybe 13 inches of snow and 2 inches of solid ice thanks to the ice-storm (WTF? That's a THING?) that rolled thru this morning around 4am. It's been snowing all day, we haven't had school - me or the kids - since last week, and the cabin fever is building. Husband - not used to forced rest and relaxation - is about as irritating as a toddler on crack. A toddler with ADHD on crack. The kids are better, they're alternating playing in the snow with reading and playing games online.

Actually I need to shut my trap - we are pretty lucky. We have not lost power (knock on every available wood surface) except for a couple of hours yesterday, and have plenty of food and drink (aka alcohol for Mama) in the house. Stupid Puppy and I have had some fun in the snow too...

However this - just happened this afternoon - is not so fun. I don't give a flying rats ass about the van, that is what car insurance is for. But that tree, that's the tree we planted the first spring we were in this house fourteen years ago. It is a star magnolia, has grown approximately twice as big as the people at the nursery told me it would, and sort of seems like a member of the family. I cried. I'm so dumb, people have died and lost their homes in this fucking storm. But I loved that tree.

I hate snow. I hate cold. I hate ice. I wonder if they need English teachers in Mexico?

Sucker Punched

2012-01-17T06:51:00.000-08:00

Last Thursday my training wheels were removed and I got to sub for Superteacher ALL BY SELF! (After 1 quarter of student teaching we have the option of a conditional intern teaching certificate to sub for our master teacher during our 2nd quarter of student teaching and get paid. I took the option!) She was at a conference Thursday and Friday so I flew solo. It went very well, I tried something new that ended up not going super well purely because our classroom is too small, and the kids were great if a little chattier than usual.

At 3 Thursday afternoon Husband was en-route to Seatac Airport for a guys weekend in Vegas and I was on my way to the district office to meet with the HR lady and fill out EMPLOYMENT paperwork. (Woot Woot!) I called Husband to say goodbye and have fun and he filled me in on the Thing 2 drama that had transpired while I was wrangling seventh graders.

A boy had slammed Thing 2's head down on his desk during the first couple minutes of 5th period. It was a sucker punch, Thing 2's back was to the kid and he had no idea it was coming. The nurse called Husband to let him know that he seemed ok but they were checking him out just in case and an 'incident' form was coming home with him. Two seconds after Husband got off the phone with the school, Daughter called him and said all in one breath, "Thing 2 got beat up and I'm gonna go find the punk-ass snot that did it and kill him."

He was so proud of her. Just when we're afraid that our kids will never ever ever get along and be friends, they shock the shit out of us. However, he did tell her not to do that because then she would get in trouble. ("Wait until after school when you're off school grounds" may or may not have been what he said. Heh.)

The funniest thing of all were the facebook posts. I don't care what anyone says, I LOVE facebook and this is why:

THING 2: "Dumb Student punched me in he head while my back was turned in 5th period. He hits like an undernourished teletubby with a muscular disease. Last I saw of him, Mr. Math Teacher was tossing him out of the room like he would with a bag of marshmallows that just insulted his mother."

GOD I LOVE THAT KID! "Hits like an undernourished teletubby with a muscular disease"? That right there is a golden insult!!!

Ten minutes later on Facebook:

DAUGHTER: "So some punk sophomore thinks he can hit my little brother? I think I'd better have a talk with this kid."

Then her friends go on to tell her exactly how obnoxious this kid is, how his girlfriend - who loves to needle Thing 2 until she gets a reaction out of him - manipulated the whole thing and then taunted Thing 2 about it, and how they will all help her get revenge.

The rest of my afternoon was spent getting the entire story out of Thing 2 and Daughter's friends that witnessed the whole thing and emailing back and forth with the Dean of Students who initially was going to punish Thing 2 for calling the boys girlfriend an asshole which apparently started the whole thing. And watching Thing 2 to make sure he didn't have a concussion as per the nurse's instructions. Thing 2 said it really wasn't bad but apparently it LOOKED really bad because Mr. Math Teacher wanted to call an aid car. And Husband was on his way to Vegas so I got to deal with it ALL BY SELF. Well, with a little help from my good friend Red Wine.

Don't worry, the kid got suspended for 5 days and since the school is treating it as an assault may end up with further consequences, and I won't let my kids and their friends hurt him. Much.

My life - it is never boring.

Best. Dad. Ever.

2012-01-15T08:42:00.001-08:00

Good Friend

2012-01-14T12:51:00.001-08:00

I stole, er, BORROWED this from my blog-buddy ChiTown Girl. This is the kind of friend we all need. Heh.

The Haircut

2012-01-08T09:08:00.001-08:00

At the beginning of the year, our "tough" class was 4th period. Whether it was that particular mix of kids, the fact that it was right before lunch and they were hungry, or the way the planets align between 10:04 and 11:51 over Madness Middle School, 4th period was usually a challenge. However, it slowly got better and better - while 5th period slowly devolved into the seventh circle of hell. By mid-November, 4th period was great and 5th period became barely controlled chaos.

We were doing an activity that required scissors and glue sticks. Superteacher was on the other side of the room and I had my back turned to Stylist Boy while I was answering another student's question.

I turned around when I heard the gasp. Stylist Boy was looking at his desk, upon which lay a not-insignificant amount of Girly Girl's hair. Hair that was no longer attached to her head. HOLY SHIT HE CUT HER HAIR!!! IN CLASS!!!

Keep in mind that I'm in a SEVENTH GRADE classroom. This student is twelve years old. And yet he could not refrain from cutting his classmate's hair just because it was in front of him and he had a pair of scissors in his hand.

Superteacher sent him to the office with a referral while I stood their opening and closing my mouth like a dying guppy. After she dealt with the miscreant and I recovered from my shock that a twelve year old kid chose to cut a classmate's hair "just because", we surveyed the damage. He cut a small chunk but only about an inch long so with a significant trim, Girly Girl would still have the same hairstyle. She was remarkably fine about the whole thing, brushing it off with "Don't worry, it's not a big deal." (Her best friend was practically hyperventilating - girl loves her hair.)

This kid is not special needs, he's remarkably bright - if unmotivated - and has caring parents at home. All I can think of to explain it is what Bill Cosby said oh so many years ago. Kids are BRAIN DAMAGED.

That was so not a possible scenario we covered in our teachers ed. program.

Another Year Gone

2011-12-28T13:27:00.000-08:00

*Ahem* Yup, I'm still here. A little battered and bruised around the edges, it's been a rough fall, but I'M STILL STANDING Y'ALL! I made it through my first quarter of full-time student teaching, as did my family, and am looking forward to the rest of the year. Let me tell you, teaching is AWESOME! I knew I would enjoy it but I wasn't prepared for how much I would love it. I can't wait to get there in the morning, I'm loathe to leave in the afternoon - or evening, you teachers know how that is - and even the bad days are still pretty awesome.

Things at home have been let go quite a bit and I'm paying for it with some, er, interesting behaviors from my kids, but I think the adjustment period is finally past us and we are all settling in to our new normal.

Happy New Year from all of us and I promise to post more often, I've got some really funny teaching stories!!!

When did my kids get so damn tall?

Missed

2011-10-16T07:32:00.001-07:00

Husband and I went to a wedding last night. It was beautiful and touching, like all weddings should be. When the bride walked up the aisle on the arm of her Grandfather and Mother I started to cry and I continued to fight back tears for the entire evening.

There was a little old lady at the buffet whose younger friend or relative was helping to get her food dished up. I had to walk away because it so reminded me of Nannie.

When the bride's Grandfather toasted the new couple I almost lost it completely.

All evening all I could think about was how sad I was that Nannie will not be here for my brother's wedding. She was so very proud of him, she really liked his best beloved, and would have been thrilled to see them say their vows to each other - to see him start off his new life with the woman he loves. Nannie loved Scientist Genius Brother so very much.

I know she will be with us in spirit but I am selfish, I want her there for real. I want her back. I miss her so so very much.

My heart hurts.

Whatevertober Parts 3, 4, & 5: Memento (2000)

2011-10-05T19:15:00.000-07:00

Good evening, illusions! This is your host, Thing Two! I'd like to personally apologize for the late update(s). You see, we came down with a severe case of vagueish problemitis. Also, I was busy watching and rewatching Memento (sadly, without any guest commentators), which so happens to be tonight's film! I apologize in advance for the lack of spoilers. I know how much everybody loves spoilers to a really good recent movie that shouldn't be spoiled.

Memento isn't really a horror flick so much as it is an intellectual thriller (we can do thrillers as well as horror films, and this apparently even extends to Godzilla movies); the kind that demands your attention. And damn, but do you have to pay a lot of attention to this one!

The whole film is viewed from the perspective of the protagonist Leonard Shelby, who has memory problems and something to do with a murder or two. There are sequences filmed in color, which go in reverse chronological order, and sequences filmed in black and white, which go in regular chronological order. "Confusing" is an understatement. There was a mind-boggling number of mind-bogglers the first time I watched it through. I had so many questions that needed to be answered, I resolved to watch it a second time the next night. And so I did.

The second viewing absolutely floored me. It was like watching a different film. Now so much more made sense! So that's why *SPOILERS* was *SPOILERS* to *SPOILERS*! They were trying to *SPOILERS* the entire time! Well, almost the entire time. However, there were still a few things that I still did not understand, so, having never watched a movie thrice in a row, I decided to watch it for a third time! And that's what I did tonight. I think I get everything, but I may have to let it all sink in for a while.

Anyway, if you like psychological thrillers and repeated viewings (read: Inception), then you'll probably like Memento! Four out of five reverse-reverse-antireverse-rereverse plot twists!

Tomorrow night, we eat bullets! Or, y'know, watch Poltergeist. Whatever.
I truly am really, really sorry for the short update. I promise it'll be better tomorrow.

Octoberfest Part 2: The Exorcist (1973)

2011-10-02T20:49:00.000-07:00

Good evening, children of God! This is your host, Thing Two! Welcome to the second spine-chilling sequence of Whatevertober, with guest commentators Thing One and Katy herself, who picked out tonight's movie! Speaking of which, let's get to that. Tonight's feature: The Exorcist!

THING TWO: I know I promised not to do summaries or recaps, but I couldn't pass this one up. All right, so tonight we watched The Exorcist, a touching yet bittersweet tale of a loving mother, her sweet little daughter, a down-on-his-luck priest who's offered a second chance, and an vengeful Iraqi spirit that hates friendly upper-class American families for some reason.

The movie starts off with an aging Indiana Jones on an archaeological dig in northern Iraq (sometimes called Kurdistan), where he eventually confronts an ancient statue. It is revealed to him through nonverbal psychic exchanges that the time-traveling ghost of Saddam Hussein is seeking revenge on the decadent and corrupt Americans. Naturally, Indy rushes back to the USA as fast as dotted red lines can carry him.

Back in America, we meet two more of the main characters: Julia Roberts and Reagan. Reagan complains about how that meanie Gorbachev won't put his book down during tests to let Reagan copy his answers. Oh, and there's something about a space cowboy, too. Captain Howdy, I think his name was. Then we get to meet the other protagonist, Rocky Balboa, who is undergoing a faith crisis.

The storyline is split between Julia Roberts and Rocky for a while. Julia Roberts finds that the vibrating massage bed isn't working out for Reagan, and she gets it replaced with a non-malfunctioning one. But tragedy strikes again, as Reagan listens to too much heavy metal and in the middle of the night starts headbanging a bit too enthusiastically. Then Reagan wets herself at a party, embarrassing poor Julia Roberts to no end. The montage is quite the comedy of errors. Reagan is taken to Asshole Psychiatry, Inc. where the doctors misdiagnose her in every imaginable way before admitting to their quackery and advising Roberts to seek out a professional archaeologist (preferably a WWII veteran) or a rookie boxer.

At this point, the storylines merge. Up until now, Rocky had been mourning the death of his personal trainer Mickey and questioning his faith. Indiana Jones had been battling clockwork Nazi golems offscreen. Julia Roberts asks Rocky for help, who in turn asks Indy for help. They all meet up at the Roberts household, where they find Reagan restrained, bruised, battered, and wearing hideous puke-green contact lenses. At first they have trouble figuring out what's wrong with Reagan. Initially, they dismiss the possibility of possession by an angry Middle Eastern dictator's spirit (since Reagan's room is like an icebox, and one would think that some like it hot over in Arabia), but the contact lenses give Saddam away (Hussein was famous for his terrible fashion sense).

To counter Hussein, Indy and Rocky read aloud Led Zeppelin lyrics and sprinkle Reagan's body with the tears of Kurdish children. It proves to be ineffective, as Saddam kills Indy with the constant mental image of Shia LaBeouf's face (this truly was his last crusade). Rocky, inspired by the memory of Mickey's training, grabs Saddam's ghost in a stranglehold and wrestles him out the window. Rocky's sheer willpower manages to banish Saddam Hussein back to Hell once and for all. Unfortunately, Rocky lands on a flight of stairs and breaks his own neck. Julia Roberts and Reagan live and move to Argentina (or possibly Connecticut). But what about Rocky and Indy? Oh, don't worry...Darth Vader resurrects them in The Exorcist II. No, really, James Earl Jones is in the sequel.

But seriously, I liked The Exorcist. It's not really a scary movie, but I like it as a thriller nonetheless. It's a story of faith and connection, and it works. As for everyone out there? Well, if you're old enough to get over Reagan's demonic makeup and distorted voices, then check it out! As long as you aren't expecting Ghostbusters, it won't disappoint! I give it five out of five pea soup regurgitations.

KATY: The scariest thing about the Exorcist is the idea of losing a child. Poor Regan is lost to her mother and that is the ultimate boogeyman...someone taking your baby. So very very scary...

Thing 2 is the Antichrist, I'm gonna have to become catholic now.

Whatevertober Part 1: Dracula (1931)

2011-10-01T20:10:00.000-07:00

Good evening, counts and countesses! This is your host, Thing Two! Welcome to a new feature of Whatever that we like to call Whatevertober! Every night of October, I will be watching a horror or thriller movie and providing short afterthoughts with one or a few guests watching it with me and providing even shorter afterthoughts. So you now all have thirty-one entertaining blog posts to look forward to (thirty, if you don’t count this one)! If you are familiar with Cinemassacre's annual series, Monster Madness, then you should recognize the similarities. As in, this is exactly the same as Monster Madness, but in blog format. And it isn’t recaps, it’s afterthoughts on the viewing experience. With guest stars. But anyway, let us move on. Without further ado, here is the first entry of Whatevertober, with guest commentator Thing One! Tonight’s film: Dracula!

THING TWO: Several years ago, we purchased the two-disc 75th Anniversary DVD edition of Dracula. (Whew! There’s a technical mouthful for you!) Tonight, I finally got around to watching it. Really, it was actually Thing One’s idea to dust it off and give it a try. I think that he nailed it (pun intended) with Dracula. There couldn’t be a more appropriate choice for the first entry of Whatevertober. And here’s why.

Dracula, to put it bluntly, is a timeless classic. It’s a masterpiece, truly ahead of its time. Vampire movies are now a cornerstone of the horror genre. There are so many vampire movies nowadays. How many good vampire films that have come out in recent years can you think of? What vampire movies have you seen growing up? Thirty Days of Night? The Lost Boys? The 90s remake of Dracula? Everyone’s seen a few. But the original…is Nosferatu. The original with sound is Dracula, starring the master himself, Bela Lugosi. Oh man, Bela Lugosi…he’s awesome. Bela Lugosi is like the Chuck Norris of horror. (Boris Karloff is the Bruce Lee of horror.) That iconic cape, that spine-chilling stare, the etcetera etcetera. I really don’t feel like repeating what has been said a thousand times over. You all know how iconic Dracula is. Let’s skip ahead to my actual thoughts on the film.

It’s awesome. ‘Nuff said.

What, you want more?

Oh, fine. I’ll start with the music, or lack thereof. There is only one bit of soundtrack in the entire movie, and that’s at the opening credits. But that single snippet of score is more than enough to set the unnerving mood. The omnipresent silence that follows for the next hour and a quarter is downright disturbing. It’s…well, it’s creepy. What else can I say?

I can talk about other stuff. Like the performances. They’re a little cheesy sometimes, but what would you expect? Dracula was released in 1931. (That sentence sounds funny. For me, it just now conjured up a mental image of Dracula being let out of a cage after waiting since the 1800s.) The set pieces are absolutely fantastic, and do a wonderful job of setting the mood. Speaking of the mood, the atmosphere is so thick, you could slice it with a knife. (That’s a good thing.) The one special effect is the bats. I saw the string at one point. But again, it’s from 1931. It’s more than forgiven.

All in all, Dracula is a treasured gem of cinema. If you haven’t seen it yet, check it out! I give it five out of five Lugosi creeper stares.

THING ONE: The grand daddy of horror. A must-see for any fan of anything ever. Five out of five delicious Hungarian accents.

See you tomorrow, when we tackle another thriller! Until then, counts and countesses, good night.

Thing 2 is doing this as an extra-credit project for his drama class, I'm not sure his teacher knows exactly what he has unleashed upon the world!

One of Husband's Favorites

2011-10-01T17:01:00.000-07:00

FYI

2011-09-25T13:47:00.001-07:00

I love student teaching! Every day when I walk in the classroom I think "this is where I belong".

But blogging is not gonna be happening much, if at all, for the foreseeable future. I need 36 hour days.

The First Week

2011-09-10T07:49:00.001-07:00

After going to bed at 8 o'clock last night and sleeping for almost 12 hours, I am now almost coherent enough to put together a bullet list of notable observations from my first week of student teaching at a very large, urban middle school.

* Getting up at 5 am every day is a lot harder than I remember it being.

* Middle school kids are AWESOME. And very funny, I have a hard time not bursting out laughing at least six times a day.

* Teachers work their asses off. I always knew this but now I've seen it first hand.

* Kids love a routine and settle in to one very quickly. It takes us adults a little longer though.

* It is possible for jeans to stay at thigh level - with the help of a belt - but it makes the boy wearing them like that walk funny.

* I need to figure out a system of making sure everything at home gets taken care of. Until that happens it is going to be a little hectic around here.

* When I walk in the door at any time from 3:30 to 7:30 at night I am exhausted and I don't even have any homework from my own program to do yet - not sure how that is going to work.

* My kids are awesome. They're getting their chores done, getting themselves off to school, fixing dinner, daughter is a great shuttle driver for her brothers, and I'm very proud of them for taking care of business without me standing around telling them what they need to do.

Senior Pictures

2011-09-06T19:11:00.000-07:00

These are two pics I snapped with my phone while daughter was having her Senior pictures taken. The first one was taken using the Hipstamatic Ap for iPhone and the second was the regular iPhone camera then edited with Picnik.

I cannot believe this beautiful creature is related to me - she is growing up so fast and we are unbelievably proud of her!

I Am

2011-09-04T07:00:00.000-07:00

All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.

~Anatole France

Reading this quote shook me up. I have spent years and years of juggling college with taking care of my home and family. During that time I took a year off of school because the boys needed me to be 100% available to them and, while I have never articulated it to myself or anyone else, school has always come second to what I need to take care of at home. Not in a my family comes first way - everyone I know feels that way - but in a 'I can quit school anytime because it is a hobby compared to taking care of things at home' sort of way. When people asked me what I did, my answer was always that I am a SAHM - although I hate that term and much prefer 'Home Executive' or 'Queen of my Domain'. My role as a student came second; "Oh yeah, I'm in school too."

But recently I was asked what I did and I answered "I'm a teacher". And immediately was overcome with sadness, or maybe more accurately, grief. My life has changed so much in the past year, changed in a deep, fundamental way, and my role has changed forever.

For almost fifteen years I cared for Grandmother. She also cared for me, especially at the beginning when my babies were small, but I took her shopping, to appointments, and at the end, made sure her medical needs were taken care of. Now she is gone and I spend a lot of time wandering around the house doing nothing while thinking about all the little things I miss doing for her.

Daughter getting her driver's license was another pivotal change for me, although I didn't realize it until a few days after the fact. She went to a friend's birthday party and came home without me having to drive her. She picked her brother up from tennis practice the next day because I was at work, learning more about being a teacher in the school I am student teaching at.

The boys do their own laundry, they took it over after Grandmother died without even asking me for help or to do it for them. She had done their laundry ever since they could remember; Thing 1 on Mondays and Thing 2 on Thursdays. As I watched Thing 2 fold his clothes the other day I had to go into my room because I started to cry thinking the completely ridiculous thought that he doesn't need me any more.

Don't get me wrong, I am glad my babies are growing up and becoming independent. After all, that is the whole goal of raising kids. And while I miss her desperately, I am glad that Grandmother is not in pain and suffering the indignities of old age anymore. But I need to allow myself to grieve the death of my old role, my identity as a SAHM, as I move ahead to my new identity as teacher, wife, and mother of increasingly independent teenagers - soon to be college students and adults.

I have floundered this summer, not getting a lot done and spending hours doing nothing but thinking about the past. Reading the quote from Anatole France made me realize what has been going on, one life has been dying as I prepare to step forward to my next life.

I am a teacher.

Oh Deer!

2011-09-03T07:17:00.000-07:00

I have so many questions about the sign I took a picture of yesterday at an intersection outside of Shelton, Washington...

Who would steal a deer?

Who would miss a deer?

Who is it that expects a deer to be returned to them?

WTF is so special about THIS deer? On the same trip I got pictures of a Mama deer casually grazing in someone's front yard. Deer are EVERYWHERE in this area, why don't the missing their deer people just get a new deer? A younger deer? A better deer?

Deer me, I just don't understand.

FREEDOM!

2011-08-30T14:56:00.000-07:00

I am slowly being unshackled from the bonds of teenage activities - DAUGHTER HAS HER DRIVER'S LICENSE!!! It took 4 shots at the written test and 3 at the driving test but she is now legally able to drive herself and, just as importantly, her brothers around.

The calendar on her phone now has several dates - with the alarm reminder set on LOUD - that she is responsible for picking up Thing 2 from driver's ed and taking Thing 1 to tennis practice because I will be student teaching full time starting on Thursday. Girl got driving just in the nick of time!

Here she is before her very first solo drive, to go shopping naturally.

Hey, wait a minute. She's driving away. WITHOUT ME! INTO THE COLD, CRUEL WORLD ALONE!!!!

Life will never be the same.

Gratuitous Whining

2011-08-15T10:09:00.001-07:00

Getting back into the swing of reality after a trip of a lifetime is a drag.

I know, shut up Katy, what a first-world problem to have. May you all have such a problem to deal with someday.

Thing 1 has decided to swap band for tennis, Thing 2 is taking driver's ed classes, and daughter has a bazillion dance classes/practices every week. Next week is going to be especially exciting because it is the infamous BAND CAMP WEEK.

Not THAT kind of band camp. You pervs. The kind of band camp where the marching band, dance and flag teams practice for 6-8 hours a day (I hear it's more like 12 in college) for a week in preparation for football season and, in the case of our high school, the parade they march in that kicks off the state fair in our city. So even though Thing 1 isn't in band, daughter is on the dance team and has practice every day next week. Thing 1 has tennis practice every morning next week and Thing 2 has drivers ed class every day next week. And I have 2 full days of workshops and seminars to get ready for student teaching.

But on the plus side, daughter WILL pass her drivers test tomorrow at 11am Pacific Time (cross all your fingers and toes for us will ya?) so she WILL be able to get herself and her brother to practices. Husband is gonna have to pick up the slack on the two days I'm learning about student teaching, I just have to tell him.

And after school starts we will be juggling two different district calendars - the district where I'll be student teaching and the district where the kids go to school - as well as all the kids extracurricular activities and my twice-weekly evening classes. Ugh.

But my student teaching is only for seven months. I can do anything for seven months.

I hope.

Placeholder

2011-08-14T12:31:00.000-07:00

More Australia Pictures

2011-08-01T14:31:00.001-07:00

I took an insane amount of pictures on our trip (not as many as Marvelous Mom did though!) and looking through them I'm so glad I did. Even though the big camera is kind of a pain in the ass to carry around everywhere. These are just a few of my favorites.

Here is SGB's Best Beloved and I on the beach. She asked me to be a bridesmaid in their wedding - I was completely gobsmacked! She is a lovely person inside and out and I am thrilled that I get to be a part of her and SGB's special day. A sister! I get a sister!!!

Twelve Apostles - the pictures don't even begin to do justice to the beauty and power of the ocean beaches.

Rainbows were a constant theme of the trip. I saw more rainbows in the three weeks we were there than I have seen in the entire rest of my life. I'm choosing to believe that Nannie was watching over us and that the rainbows were messages from her. This picture was taken off the deck of Best Beloved's family holiday house in Rye. Gorgeous!

Another rainbow over the ocean beach.

And finally the two reasons we went so far away, Scientist Genius Brother and his Best Beloved. It was so awesome to spend time with them and see how happy they both are. Her family welcomed him and us with open arms and I can't wait to go back for the wedding. Sightseeing was fun but the real treat was spending time with the best brother in the world, his Best Beloved, and her family. I am so proud of him I could burst!

Port Macquarie

2011-07-25T21:00:00.000-07:00

The weather was hideous but the company was wonderful.

Totally insane crazy lunatics surfing. It *might* have been 50 degrees and was definitely pouring with rain and super windy.

Me and the very best brother in the world.

SGB and his Best Beloved in front of a very cute church in town. They were having services as it was Sunday so we had to sneak around very quietly taking pictures.

KOALAS!!!

2011-07-24T21:39:00.001-07:00

These were all taken at the Koala Hospital in Port Macquarie - a small seaside town about an hour's flight North of Sydney. I wasn't allowed to pet any, they are all being nursed back to health, but they were so cute.

This little guy was getting his twice daily formula feed. He almost knocked the can out of the volunteer's hand trying to get it faster than she was giving it to him.

The cuteness!

This poor little girl lost both her eyes to a chlamydia infection so she is now a permanent resident of the hospital. It doesn't seem to slow her down any though, she was very curious and got around her little home just fine!

And here is a little guy trying to take a nap.

Koala's get attacked by dogs, hit by cars, burned in bush fires, and suffer from several nasty illnesses - all of which are treated by hundreds of volunteers at this unique hospital. There website is here and if so inclined, you can adopt one or make a donation to help them continue their work. Like animals everywhere their habitat has been greatly reduced due to human activity, can you imagine Australia without koalas? Me neither.

Huge

2011-07-19T04:32:00.001-07:00

I have several spider pics but this is the biggest one yet. SGB can palm a basketball, that's how big his hand is. And the spider is almost as big as his palm. Approximately the size of Connecticut. Ish.

Melbourne Day One

2011-07-14T17:11:00.001-07:00

Having a spectacular time!!!

Marvelous Mom, SGB, and I in downtown Melbourne along the banks of the Yarra River.

These alleys turned shopping areas are called Arcades and are the coolest little places to explore.

Scientist Genius Brother and his Best Beloved in front of the stadium where we saw my first Australian Football "footy" game.

SGB and I at the game.

The 'thighlights' were spectacular. Heh.

Australia Here I Come

2011-07-06T20:31:00.001-07:00

Marvelous Mom and I begin our Big Australian Adventure tomorrow. We get to fly for 3 hours from Seattle to LA, breathe smog for two hours, and then sit on a plane for another 14-15 hours from LA to Melbourne. It doesn't look so bad on the map, hardly even a few inches.

What I wouldn't give for Star Trek transporter technology right about now.

Our first weekend in Melbourne we will be going to an Australian rules Football game. From what I can tell it is a cross between rugby, quidditch, and fight club...I can't wait! And by 'we' I mean Scientist Genius Brother, Best Beloved's Brother, Dad, and I. Marvelous Mom would rather have a root canal than attend a sporting event. Party pooper.

We will also be talking about wedding plans, getting to know Scientist Genius Brother's Best Beloved and her family, and stalking koalas. (I am gonna pet/hold/get bitten by a koala if it is the last thing I do.)

For our second weekend we will fly to Port Macquarie (see map below) where almost all of our Aussie rellies will join us for a reunion of sorts. I have only met two of Grandmother's nephews and none of their extended families so it will be absolutely lovely to get to spend time with people who were so important to her and who I have been hearing stories about all of my life.

Then we will be accompanying one nephew (is my Grandmother's nephew my first cousin once removed or my second cousin?) and his wife on a train trip to Sydney. This will be my third train ride ever and a great way to see a tiny bit of the country. After five days in Sydney, some of which we will spend with Stepdan's niece and her Hottie Husband, we will fly back to Melbourne and enjoy the rest of our time with SGB, his Best Beloved, and her lovely family.

Marvelous Mom is a wee bit nervous about the flight but never fear, I have Xanax to slip in her drinks so she will be just fine. Heh. Just kidding.

I can't wait to post a picture of a spider the size of a dinner plate for y'all to see. Muhahahaha....

Supreme Cuteness

2011-06-26T09:16:00.000-07:00

Travel Preparation

2011-06-22T09:48:00.000-07:00

Now that school is over and Nannie's Big Ass Party is past, it is time for me to prepare things for my month-long absence in July. Just to make things interesting for myself, I'm heading to Vegas on July 2nd to visit Dad and Stepmonster, get home at 1:45pm on July 6th, and leave for Australia with Marvelous Mom at 6:30pm on July 7th. Thank God for drugs, I'm hoping my doc will give me Xanax or Valium or something for the plane trip so I can sleep.

Luckily the wardrobe for both trips will be completely different so I can be packed for down under before I leave for sin city.

The final complication in all of these plans is that Daughter leaves for a 3 week tour of Europe with her Art class on July 13th so I need to make sure she has everything she needs before I leave. Husband will make sure she has everything on her list packed and take her to the airport to meet her group at o'dark thirty but other than that he will be working (someone's gotta pay for all this globe-trotting) so I am going to do everything I can to make sure she is ready to go too. I have to order her a *shiver* debit card so she can get cash while on her trip, make sure she has enough of her medications, all the clothes on the list, etc. etc. etc.

I'm not sure I'm ready for the shopping princess of Puget Sound to have a debit card yet.

So from now until July 2nd I will be in full on Travel Preparation mode. Thank the Flying Spaghetti Monster for checklists!!!

The Big Ass Party

2011-06-21T08:00:00.000-07:00

After the Memorial Service at the church, everyone gathered back at our house for the Big Ass Party Nannie requested. I estimate we had 100 people at the house over the afternoon and evening so it was DEFINITELY big ass! We ate, drank, told funny stories about Nannie, drank some more, played a very funny game around the fire that was just a little bit too complicated for my slightly drunk self, and generally celebrated with friends and family. It was perfect.

Goodbye Nannie. We love you more than you can imagine.

The Memorial Service

2011-06-20T10:46:00.001-07:00

We had a lovely service for Grandmother on Saturday. Years ago she had marked the hymns she wanted at her service in Marvelous Mom's hymnbook and we managed to get all of them in so it was full of music. The photo board showed just a tiny fraction of her adventures over 95 years of living life to the fullest...

And here are her boys with Marvelous Mom. They both got up and spoke, I was so proud of them. Grandmother would have been proud too.

And this is Husband with two of my cousins. It was such a gift to get to see them both since they live in different states.

Number 1 son is on the aisle (the one with hardly any gray hair as he is so fond of pointing out to Dad) and Number 2 son is next to him. Grandmother loved her sons more than anything else in the world and was never happier than when sitting in between the two of them.

Finally, no gathering for Grandmother would be complete without a baby. Here I am with another cousin's beautiful boy. We have lots of pictures of Grandmother holding him just a few short months ago and he has a little hat that she knitted for him...although his gigantic head is too big for it now.

The service and music were absolutely perfect, Nannie would have loved it - not least because she was the center of attention as my Dad pointed out. It was not easy, I cried as well as laughed, but am so glad we set aside this day to remember Nannie. She made sure our family bonds are strong and I will never cease to be thankful for that wonderful gift.

I Quit

2011-06-16T08:19:00.001-07:00

I am becoming closely acquainted with Craig and his List these days, happily pouring over photos of cars, blue book values, and engine specs. Daughter showed me her schedule for next fall and there is no WAY I will be able to get her to 5 dance classes and 2-4 dance team practices every week. Not to mention the Friday night football games, after school events, and study club meetings at our local library. And since we are selling our extra car to my BFF so she can chauffeur her lovely littles around for the next 15 years, we have to buy Daughter a car.

Car shopping is one of my favorite activities. I've been know to look at cars for sale even when we are NOT going to buy one. My idea of a perfect car for daughter is something small and cute. I've been lusting after this for years...

Or one of these. LOOK AT THOSE ORANGE WHEELS! So freaking cute.

Unfortunately, Husband is only willing to part with enough money to purchase something like this...

Cheapskate.

And Daughter is No. Help. At. All. I've already told you about her curious lack of interest in cars and driving and the situation hasn't improved at all. When I asked her what kind of car she would like - 2 doors, 4 doors, sedan, hatchback, etc. - her answer was, and I quote, "I dunno. Not green". NOT GREEN. What kind of teenager, when asked for input on what type of vehicle they like, answers with NOT GREEN?!?!

I suspect this particular car search will take all freaking summer. Or I'll just say to hell with it, I'm buying something I like.

Either way, come the end of August, I am resigning as her chauffeur.

What A Year

2011-06-14T11:33:00.000-07:00

If someone had told me what a roller coaster the past nine months would be I don't know that I would have gone ahead with grad school on top of it all. This cake that a classmates wife made for our end of the year grad school cohort party made (representing a sick inside joke :) is pretty much how I feel right now...

Roadkill baby.

But I survived the twins first year of high school, my first year of grad school, daughter driving, losing Nannie, sending my babies to the other side of the planet, and having a bloody obnoxious puppy. Phew.

Grade report - 4.0 in all three of my classes for spring quarter. Even though I know that grades don't matter in grad school, it is impossible for me to not work my ass off in search of a perfect grade. It may not matter to anyone else but it matters to me. And, I'm guessing, my parents. They're always really happy to hear that I did well in school. It makes up for all the slacking I did in high school. Heh.

My summer is going to be busy but FUN! Next year will be even crazier than this year has been so I intend to make the most out of the next three months. Saturday our friends and family are gathering to celebrate Nannie's life...I'm both looking forward to it and dreading it. I still burst into tears at weird times and haven't begun to work thru all my feelings about losing her but it will be nice to hear everyone's memories and stories about her. Family is coming from all over, including her Canadian nephews who we don't see very often and it will be a wonderful party to say goodbye to an amazing woman.

July is my travel month. I get six days of doing NOTHING while visiting Dad and Stepmonster in Vegas with BFF Cousin and then three and a half weeks dodging Sharks With Frickin' Lasers in Australia with Marvelous Mom.

August will be a blur of drivers ed classes for Thing 2, band camp for daughter and the dance team, parades, 2 days of student teaching seminars, sunshine (I hope) and training the damn puppy so I don't have to kill him.

Life marches on.

Inspirational Words

2011-05-31T08:00:00.000-07:00

So I was cruising the blogosphere looking for Decorating Porn, because I totally don't have three more papers to write in the next ten days and have plenty of time to look at decorating porn. Yup. No problem here. Move along officer... when I came across this post from The Uncluttered Lifestyle. Inspirational words on the wall in her office. Faith, Imagine, Love, Family...really nice words that illustrate how she lives her life. Not to mention a beautiful home office to blog in, rather than my preferred workspace of the couch with my laptop and a glass of wine in arms reach.

What would my inspirational word wall say?

Wine

Procrastinate

QUIET!

Damn

Later

Hmmm...I'm thinking I should work on how I live my life. It's not looking so hot on the wall. Maybe I'll make a wall of how OTHER people live their lives. Much more company-ready than mine.

Counting Down

2011-05-30T19:01:00.000-07:00

10 days until the end of the quarter and the end of my first full year of grad school...

4 weeks and 5 days until I go to Vegas with BFF Cousin...

5 weeks and 3 days until I go to Australia with Marvelous Mom to visit Scientist Genius Brother and his FIANCEE!!!! Yup, that's right, he FINALLY popped the question! She said yes and the wedding planning is ON!

3 more papers to write and then I can relax.

Iran Trip Part I: by Thing 2

2011-05-18T16:33:00.001-07:00

Hey folks, Thing 2 here. We just got back from Iran! And by "just" I do not mean "just," as it was just a few weeks ago, so saying "just" would just be unjust, and saying so would do me no justice and be just plain unjustified. I'm just sayin'.

You know what's a really stupid name for a movement? Antidisestablishmentarianism. Why not just call yourselves the "Double Negativists," or "The We Failed English Classists?" Cut out the middle man! Stop foolin' around and admit who you really are!

*ahem*

Anyway, Iran. It was an enlightening experience. I can't type out all of my thoughts on Iran in one go, because my brain is faster than my tongue, and my tongue is faster than my fingers. Hey-o!

Here you can see a really old bathroom of a really old castle from the 1700s. The echo was absolutely unbelievable; I couldn't understand what I or anyone was saying! I tried to say,

"These pillars have really intricate patterns on them."

but what I ended up saying was,

"THROOMWORKRWXPPLLGARMNOOBBODMPADMPTRAKLZPNTTRAAGFSMDRM!"

"Buddy, are those your kids over there?"

"Yeah."

"Are they speaking English?"

"Yeah."

"Are they American?"

"They're Iranian-American kids."

"Wow! As a tour guide, I think that I'll drop everything I'm doing in my busy schedule and whatnot and give them a personal tour, free of charge!"

"Gee, thank you, sir!"

"Do they speak Farsi?"

"No, they never bothered t-"

"You must be a terrible father. Shame on you! Here, be my translator."

We climbed a whole mountain, and got a beautiful view of the Tehran smogscape!

Come, my children! Have you your jackets and water bottles and ovaloid chunks of flatbread? We shall take the fight to the mountains!

Whoever heard about the Western tradition of throwing coins into fountains must have translated it as throwing money into fountains. We saw in fountains golden coins, silvery coins, and...paper bills. Yes. Actual, real people decided that it was a good idea to

Throw.

Paper.

Money.

Into a fountain.

Wait, that's not the best part! Here's the kicker: At the end of one fountain, we saw resting at the bottom of the pool, rendered almost invisible by the obscuring effect of the wind blowing across the water...

A CREDIT CARD.

Pardon my Sanskrit, but WHO THE HECK DOES THAT?!? Did some obscenely wealthy international fatcat stop by and say, "Gosh, I really need good luck on the next shareholder's meeting. I know! Here, have a freshly-picked Visa from my personal money tree!"

I mean, that's just silly.

The Snowball Effect

2011-05-16T10:13:00.000-07:00

The ubiquitous "they" say that getting started is the hardest part. They're right.

For my Organizational Change class I had to pick something I wanted to change about my habits and keep track of it over the course of 8 weeks. At first I picked something way to big with too many small habits to change all at once, so I revised it to be "Drink 72 ounces of water a day".

In six weeks I have managed to develop the habit of drinking water all day and it has snowballed all out of control. I drink less Diet Coke because I am not thirsty. I sleep better at night. I've been drinking wine less frequently and when I do, drinking fewer glasses. On Friday I spent four hours mulching the gardens, on Saturday I walked my first ever 5k and daughter and I are signed up for another 5k next Sunday. The more water I drink, the more energy I have, and the more I want to move around.

Wow, I could really get used to this!

May Flowers

2011-05-04T16:32:00.001-07:00

Celebrating a beautiful sunny day (finally) and the late-blooming tulips that are springing up all over our yard. We have been doing some major work to the yard and hopefully soon I will have the before and after shots. I hope Nannie is enjoying the flowers too, a beautiful garden was one of her favorite things.

Curious

2011-05-02T09:31:00.000-07:00

Why is it that when Health Care costs soar higher and higher, the republicans fight tooth and nail against any government intervention whatsoever but when gas prices shoot sky high they scream that the (Democratic, natch) president is not doing enough to intervene.

Priorities people. Get some.

I Love Gingers

2011-04-27T19:41:00.000-07:00

I'm not a creepy old lady at all. Nope. Not me. Never.

From allposters

*sigh*

Found

2011-04-25T08:00:00.000-07:00

Why do THEY get a box of adorableness dropped off at their door step and I DON'T? The world is just not fair. The absolute indifference of the camel to adorable baby bears is hysterical.

Happy Zombie Jesus Day

2011-04-24T10:30:00.001-07:00

Now if you'll excuse me I have some chocolate bunnies to decapitate.

Travel Travel Travel

2011-04-16T22:00:00.000-07:00

So y'all remember this?

Well I am taking the plunge and risking life and limb to visit the land of SHARKS WITH FRICKIN' LASERS!!! Marvelous Mom and I have decided to just do it...take the plunge and spend 2-3 weeks in between CONVICTS and GIANT SPIDERS with Scientist Genius Brother, his fabulous girlfriend and her family. It will be winter there...damn backwards/upside-down weather...but it will also be Australian Rules Football season. Think hockey, with no pads, no ice, and hot Aussie guys. I am TOTALLY gonna go to as many games as I can. Awesome Girlfriend's family are Carlton Blues fans - all except for her brother who is a Bombers fan. I don't know which team is the bombers but their scarves are red and they are the arch enemies of the Carlton Blues. I'm gonna go for the Blues because I want to stay in good standing with Awesome Girlfriend's father...do NOT get in between an Australian and his football club!

My other goal, besides getting to know Awesome Girlfriend's family, is to pet a kangaroo. Daughter has been lording it over me for two years that she got to pet kangaroos and I didn't, finally I will get to even it out. I'd really like to hold a Koala baby too but that might be too much to ask. (Daughter's favorite fact is that Koalas have butt-plates. She's not really my kid.)

Now I just have to break the news to Husband that I'm fleeing the continent in July. Oh. Wait. He OWES ME. Heh.

No Pictures

2011-04-13T18:18:00.000-07:00

How is it that whenever Husband is gone, the cats decide it is time to shower me with the fruits of their labors as a sign of their everlasting affection for me?

One morning it was a dead rat smack in the middle of the front doorway. A VERY LARGE rat with a super long icky rat tail.

The next morning it was a rat HEAD and some rat insides. I don't know which parts, I didn't look very closely. I puked in the front yard on my way to the garbage can with it.

Today it was a bunny rabbit. A totally full grown bunny rabbit. And a decapitated mouse. Both bodies were all there as far as I could tell, the cats must not have been hungry.

Four more days. Only four more days.

On the plus side we do not have a rodent problem.

Feeling Lost

2011-04-10T14:20:00.000-07:00

This mourning thing is so bizarre. I spend hours doing nothing but feel exhausted at the end of the day. School is next to impossible to care about...it doesn't feel important or meaningful anymore. When I have fun and temporarily forget that Nannie is dead, the remembering moment fills me with guilt for laughing and having fun.

All I want to do is lay in bed and sleep. Super productive no? Tomorrow is the end of daughter's spring break which means I have to get up in the morning, get dressed, go to my tutoring gig, take her to dance practice, supervise the work being done in our yard, etc. etc. Normal life is resuming. But I can't bring myself to care very much about it. It's a detached feeling, like I'm watching someone else's life.

I hope it gets better over time, this is no way to live.

This is something we found in Nannie's papers. She liked it so much she copied it down in her beautiful handwriting. Such a beautiful sentiment. And she was needed by so many people, not only one.

A New Normal

2011-04-03T09:49:00.001-07:00

Several years ago we planted a tree in our yard in memory of a sweet little boy who died in a tragic accident. Shortly afterwards, Grandmother and I were in the car when she turned to me and asked - completely out of the blue - what kind of tree I would plant for her after she died?

The answer was instant, immediate, and LEAPT out of my mouth before I could stop it...

"A crabapple tree of course!"

Lucky for me she was in a good mood that day or my name would have been MUD. I inherited her phenomenal lack of tack and Nannie's Crabapple Tree has been a staple in our collection of family jokes ever since. Look what Scientist Genius Brother and I found at the hardware store the other day, right in front of us where we couldn't possibly miss it:

I'm choosing to believe that she had a good laugh right along with the two of us when we came across it.

After Dad and Stepmonster left, Scientist Genius Brother stayed with me for a week and helped me shop. As you can see, shopping is a favorite activity of his, especially in home stores that sell comfy chairs...

We met up with my awesome cousin, his wife, and their adorable baby...there is nothing like baby love to heal broken hearts.

And we let Daughter convince us to get her some sweats at Victoria's Secret...the pink umbrella they threw in is very cute...

Scientist Genius Brother left yesterday so now Daughter and I are on our own for two more weeks - Husband and the Things get home on April 17th. There is still some paperwork to complete but most of the detail stuff is done. We've decided to have a memorial service and her request - a "big ass party", that's a direct quote - in June so the maximum number of out of towners can make plans to attend. I'm exceedingly grateful that we don't have to completely empty out Grandmother's little apartment - it will be a guest area in our home now. But it seems so very lonely. The atmosphere is completely different in the entire house. I sometimes go into her bedroom to talk to her, it's nice to have a place where I still feel her presence.

When my guys get back we will begin finding the new normal for our now smaller family. We will laugh and cry and remember. We will move ahead with our plans and lives, exactly what Nannie wanted us all to do.

Anyone want a crabapple?

Nannie

2011-03-27T20:14:00.001-07:00

Beloved Mother and Grandmother

December 2, 1915 - March 25, 2011

"We cannot really love anybody with whom we never laugh." ~Agnes Repplier

Thank you for always laughing with us and loving us.

Grandmother with Things 1 & 2 - 1996

With Scientist Genius Brother and Daredevil Cousin, December 31, 1993

With me, 1974

With me, 1978

We love you always Nannie.

Hospice

2011-03-21T13:15:00.000-07:00

Grandmother's stay in the nursing facility was short lived. She was rushed to the hospital in respiratory distress in the middle of the night last week and admitted to the hospital. While the hospital staff are wonderful, we were very grateful to be able to bring her home with hospice care on Saturday. She was very relieved to be home in familiar surroundings where there is plenty of room for everyone to come and spend time with her. I am especially grateful for it in the middle of the night when she has a bout of breathing trouble and I can give her her medicine and then sit with her holding her hand until it kicks in. Not being able to breathe is so scary and having someone there with her makes it easier for her.

And once again, the cavalry is here when we need them. My Aunt has care-taking experience and helped me bathe her, Uncle visits her, runs errands, and makes airport runs. BFF Cousin stays with her to give me a break - doing dishes and fixing her dinner too. Little-Bro Cousin brings his one and a half year old over to charm a smile out of Grandmother (the dimple does it every time) and my BFF brings her adorable 11 year old son and almost 1 year old daughter to visit. Dad and Stepmonster are flying in from Vegas (again) tomorrow, Teacher Cousin flies in on Wednesday, Scientist Genius Brother arrives from Australia on Thursday, and Salt Lake City Cousin will be here Saturday. Marvelous Mom will visit tonight and tomorrow and every day after that if I need her.

A long time ago, Husband and I made a conscious choice to invite Grandmother to live with us and be a daily part of our family. Part of making that choice meant taking on the responsibility for taking care of her health needs, no matter what happened. We made that choice happily and cheerfully and have never ONCE regretted it. We - and our children - have gained more from having her here with us than we could ever give back.

But I know that if we had not made that choice, someone else in the family would have. We have been so blessed with our family and friends and there are not enough words to express how much I value their love and support and how much it means to Grandmother to have everyone here loving her at the end of her years.

May everyone have such an incredible and loving support system.

Car Talk

2011-03-17T08:20:00.001-07:00

It's no secret that I love cars. I love cars and I love to drive. I can identify by make & model 99.9% of the cars we see on the road and most of them by year. Headlights in my rearview mirror tell me what kind of car is back there. (Have you SEEN the new Audi headlights? AWESOME!) Jay Leno's car collection makes me green with envy. If I had a squillion dollars I would buy a new car every year. I'm impatiently counting down the years until I can have a fun car again and ditch the mom-mobile. I also may or may not have a reputation as a lead-foot. (A speeding ticket every year? Sometimes twice? MOI? Never happened.)

Nissan 370z? Volvo 370 hard-top convertible? Mini Cooper Turbo S? Jaguar XJ? In other news I am completely delusional.

Husband on the other hand is the only Iranian on the planet who is unwilling to spend obscene amounts of money on a car and thinks vehicles are nothing more than a tool from getting from point A to point B. Just my luck.

A road trip is my idea of the perfect vacation. Obviously. We've gone on enough for that to be apparent - I drove from SEATTLE to AUSTIN, TEXAS and back with three kids by myself! And had fun! I drove from Seattle to Berkeley to Las Vegas and back with two unbroken kids and a kid in a crotch to toes cast and rented wheelchair by myself and had fun! I love driving new routes, exploring new country, finding a ridiculous tourist trap to stop at in the middle of nowhere.

My dream vacation is to drive to Alaska - on the Alcan highway - with my Dad. I want to see where they lived in the Yukon when he was a kid, drive thru places like Chicken, Alaska and see his old high school in Anchorage. Someday we WILL do this!

I drove Marvelous Mom batshit crazy when I had my drivers permit - wanting to go to the grocery store, gas station, random locations anywhere just to get the chance to drive. And I got my drivers license the second I turned 16. When daughter was approaching drivability age I had daydreams about the two of us spending quality time in the car while she learned the fine art of avoiding speed traps. Ahem, I mean driving responsibly. And I can't deny that not having to ferry her all over the damn planet sounded pretty good. While I like to DRIVE, I have yet to master the fine art of being in two places at once so there are some pretty fancy mental gymnastics involved in making sure she and I are both where we need to be all the time.

Daughter hates driving.

Hates.

Driving.

WTF? Whose kid is she? We have a car for her to use all the time - a pretty nice car for a first timer I might add - it's my pre-minivan Acura MDX. We paid for drivers ed classes. And I have to yell and scream and roll on the floor to get her behind the wheel to practice. She turned 16 in October and has failed the written test twice - I swear just to prevent having to get her license and drive by herself.

WHERE DID I GO WRONG?

I'm not pushing it (much) because solo driving is too much of a responsibility for someone to do if they're not confident in their abilities but DAMN. If I hadn't been there when she was born I would swear she isn't my kid.

Luckily Thing 2 is showing signs of being eager to drive and paying attention to car makes and models - at least ONE member of the family will share my passion for all things automotive.

Vroom!

Better and Better

2011-03-15T12:46:00.000-07:00

I've got walking pneumonia.

AWESOME!

On the plus side a good dose of antibiotics will get me back up and at 'em. Yay for modern medicine!

In Like a Lion

2011-03-13T20:14:00.000-07:00

So far March has been a hell of a month. I'm hoping since it's come in like a lion, it will cooperate and go out like a lamb. On the first Grandmother had a very small stroke which caused weakness in her right hand and wrist. On the third Thing 1 had to call 911 - I was at school and Husband was still at work - for her and she was rushed to the hospital with pneumonia, another infection, two squashed discs in her back, severe anemia, and massive dehydration.

I'm still baffled about the pneumonia, not once did I hear her cough. Its something I am pretty vigilant about paying attention to because pneumonia is so common - and deadly - in elderly people.

We almost lost her - she spent three days in intensive care - but the woman is amazing! Ninety five and she is now in a rehabilitation facility getting physical and occupational therapy every day and hoping to come home in a week or two.

Husband and the Things leave on March 24th for Iran so the next week and a half will be spent in a mad packing frenzy. Good thing I'm on spring break until the end of the month!

Here's hoping April will be a better month, I'm beat.

Holy Snowman!

2011-02-27T09:47:00.001-08:00

Cool Books

2011-02-23T14:51:00.000-08:00

Teachers Make Too Much Money

2011-02-21T14:57:00.000-08:00

By Sarasota Values Education on Friday, February 18, 2011 at 8:32pm

Are you sick of high paid teachers? Teachers’ hefty salaries are driving up taxes, and they only work 9 or 10 months a year! It’s time we put things in perspective and pay them for what they do - baby sit! We can get that for less than minimum wage.

That’s right. Let’s give them $3.00 an hour and only the hours they worked; not any of that silly planning time, or any time they spend before or after school. That would be $19.50 a day (7:45 to 3:00 PM with 45 min. off for lunch and plan — that equals 6 1/2 hours).

Each parent should pay $19.50 a day for these teachers to baby-sit their children.

Now how many do they teach in day…maybe 30? So that’s $19.50 x 30 = $585.00 a day. However, remember they only work 180 days a year!!! I am not going to pay them for any vacations.

LET’S SEE…. That’s $585 X 180= $105,300 per year. (Hold on! My calculator needs new batteries).

What about those special education teachers and the ones with Master’s degrees? Well, we could pay them minimum wage ($7.75), and just to be fair, round it off to $8.00 an hour. That would be $8 X 6 1/2 hours X 30 childrenX 180 days = $280,800 per year.

Wait a minute — there’s something wrong here! There sure is!

The average teacher’s salary (nation wide) is $50,000. $50,000/180 days = $277.77/per day/30 students=$9.25/6.5 hours = $1.42 per hour per student–a very inexpensive baby-sitter and they even EDUCATE your kids!

WHAT A DEAL!!!!

(I lifted this from ChiTown Girl who lifted it from Ricochet - thanks for sharing, I think this is something everyone should be required to read.)

I Call Bullshit

2011-02-14T21:11:00.001-08:00

There is no possible way this is right because I am Never. Wrong. Just ask Husband.

*snirk*

Not Good

2011-02-14T13:31:00.000-08:00

The following amateur videos are from the Euro News website. If this continues, the boys will not be going to Iran with husband after all. I'd love to see the Iranian government overthrown by the people but I don't want my children in the middle of it. Praying for peace...

The Things Turn Has Come

2011-02-07T14:21:00.000-08:00

So remember when I put my 15 year old daughter on a plane to the other side of the world where there are SHARKS with FRICKIN' LASERS? Well now it is the boys turn to get as far away from their Mother as they can. (They'll still be stuck with their father however, Husband is going too.) On March 24th all three of my guys will be leaving for a three week trip to Iran!

In honor of their first trip abroad, and just to entertain myself, I made my own version of the Sharks with Frickin' Lasers map but Iran instead of Australia. It's not as funny but it makes me giggle.

As you can see from the map (heh), Husband's immediate family is in Tehran. But they will be traveling to other cities - probably Esfahan, Shiraz, and maybe Hamadan. The Things are excited beyond belief and so is Husband's family! Their youngest cousin there is a boy exactly their age and we're hoping they'll be able to go to school with him for a day so they can see what school is like there. There are four other first cousins, all about high school/early college age, as well as tons of extended family who will all be anxious to finally meet them.

I'm excited for them and not nearly as nervous as I was when Daughter went to the land down under. But the Persians better not decide to join their Egyptian neighbors in mass protests and revolution while they're there!

Hanging At Home

2011-01-24T08:24:00.000-08:00

I realized I need to make time to blog because it gives me a much-needed break from all the academic writing I do for school and it is just fun! Everyone needs a hobby no matter how busy and this is mine. So. Marvelous Mom came over yesterday just because she was missing her kids. Daughter didn't get to visit with her but they have a lunch date next Sunday. But the boys were thrilled to have a willing participant for their game The Settlers of Catan. I haven't played it yet but I am going to - Marvelous Mom assures me that it's not nearly as complicated as some of the games they like. (Risk sucks donkey balls IMO.) My kids may never realize how lucky they are to have such a fabulous Nana but I sure do!!!

Puppy has survived the trauma of having his name changed - he was just too bossy and rowdy to be a sweet little "Peepers". He is a CHARLIE. And he isn't Grandmother's puppy, she will look after him while I'm gone for school during the day but is bound and determined not to get attached. "I don't even buy green bananas for God's sake Katy, I can't get attached to another dog!" (Stubborn old bat.) So while I am his favorite person, we have decided he is really Penny's puppy. Check out these pictures. Most adorable thing EVAH!!!

They are super good buddies and as soon as the little shit learns to go up and down the stairs so he can go to the door and let me know he has to pee, they can keep each other company while I'm at school.

I know he is big enough to go up and down the stairs now. (Such a big boy, weighs FIVE WHOLE POUNDS! LOL) But I haven't been able to convince HIM that he can do it. We spent half an hour on the stairs Saturday. I was armed with super yummy meat treats and lured him up one at a time. He got up three. Three stairs in half and hour. Gah. Having a tiny dog is a whole different set of training challenges from a goofy golden retriever puppy!

Dying of Cute

2011-01-23T17:39:00.000-08:00

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I Miss Having a Life

2011-01-19T09:11:00.000-08:00

So y'all know that I love politics. Some of my love is tarnished, the bloom is less bright, since Obama pulled shit like this - and I took a break for awhile - but I'm still following the news, political and otherwise. I have a ton of stuff I want to write about but I just don't have time.

Our accounts for ALL OF 2010 - let me reiterate that, one entire year's worth of accounting for two businesses and our personal crap - needs to be synched from the heavenly wonderfulness that is online banking into Quickbooks Pro and then classified so I can give it to our accountant. Barf. I wonder if I can teach the kids how to do it?

Homework, homework, homework. The reading, the writing, the Community Service Learning project that requires a minimum of 20 hours of volunteer work with adolescents. The fieldwork for another project. The fucking 200-level geography class that requires an online mapping tool that is about as user friendly as DOS. (Why oh why didn't I get all my endorsement classes in before I graduated? Stupid me.)

Puppy, getting old and arthritic dog, chickens, goats, cats...the kids do most of the animal care but not without reminders. Every day. For every task. That don't get done otherwise.

Grandmother was not doing well in November and December which means lots and lots of doctor appointments, prescriptions to keep track of, blah, blah. Thank GODDESS she's better now (when Grandmother is happy, everyone is happy. When Grandmother is not happy, I want to throw myself in front of a train.) but it's been tough.

Plus all that regular crap like laundry, cooking, cleaning, etc. Husband is a rock star in this department, I am a lucky woman.

So that's where I've been. But because I can't stand it anymore, here are my latest opinions on the news. Because I know you haven't been able to sleep at night not knowing what I think about them. You're welcome.

The Arizona shooting, holy shit what a mess. Along with the rest of the world I've been hoping and praying that the survivors come out ok and that the families of the dead can someday find peace with the whole thing. Thank you Ronald Reagan for gutting mental health care. Fucker. And if you haven't already, SIGN UP TO BE AN ORGAN DONOR! Tell your family you want your organs donated when you die. Tell them that if they don't donate your organs - because regardless of what your drivers license says, docs aren't going to harvest your organs if your next of kin won't let them - you will come back and haunt them in horrible and gruesome ways. Note to my family, I want my organs donated when I die. If you prevent that from happening I will visit you in your sleep and sing the worst earworm song ever. EVERY NIGHT.

This blog is a new favorite of mine. Yay for common sense replacing helicopter parenting!

I'm pretty sure that Amy Chua got a bum rap by the editors who published (and titled - wtf were they thinking?!) excerpts from her book as an essay but she still sounds like a condescending, stereotyping whack-job in this interview. Western parents and Chinese parents are single monoliths that can be reduced to permissive vs. strict? Wow, way to reduce two entire cultures into a sound bite. I'd like to read the book and see if it is as nuanced as she keeps claiming or if she's really just an attention whore. You know, in my spare time.

Joe Lieberman is retiring and I'm just as pissed as Emily Bazleton because I won't get to do my happy dance on election day when he loses. Jerk.

So what do you think? I'd love to hear your top stories or thoughts on these issues...

Fresh Start

2011-01-02T11:20:00.001-08:00

I read somewhere that when you tell other people about your resolutions, goals, changes you plan on making - whatever you want to call them - then you are much more likely to follow through. My follow through sucks donkey balls so I'm putting my resolutions out there for everyone to read, in the hopes that it will help me follow through.

I will drink more water and less red wine.

I will listen to my kids more carefully - even when i don't know what the hell they're talking about.

I will vacuum at least once a week. Three times a week would be ideal but let's not get carried away.

I will floss my teeth every day.

I will treasure the time I have with my family, especially Grandmother. Even when she is being extra cantankerous.

I will take time every day to think about how damn lucky I am to have a healthy family, a loving husband, food to eat, and a cozy home to live in.

And I will cuddle these guys every chance I get...

Happy New Year!

Lucky Me

2010-12-29T22:57:00.001-08:00

My greatest wish came true - Daughter CLEANED. HER. ROOM. She also put together her new bed using power tools and everything. Her father and grandfather are so proud.

Even two inches of snow is deep when your legs are only two inches long!

Marvelous Mom and Beautiful niece #1.

Husband and Beautiful nieces #1 and #2 being silly - he's missed having little ones as much as I have.

But best of all was having Scientist Genius Brother here from Melbourne, Australia for a visit. It's a lot harder to say goodbye when he's going to the other side of the planet rather than just a couple of states away. We had a lovely Christmas and I can't wait to visit him in Australia. With the SHARKS WITH FRICKIN' LASERS!!!

Happy New Year!

Ha Le Luj Ah

2010-12-27T18:34:00.000-08:00

Funniest thing evah!

Things I've Learned Recently

2010-12-23T20:34:00.000-08:00

The threat of No. Christmas. Gifts. is more effective on teenagers who ask for expensive things and have seen you return gifts already purchased.

Said threatened teenagers can clean/pick up/organize around the house much more effectively than they let on during the rest of the year.

Teeny-tiny puppies are harder to potty train than golden-retriever sized puppies.

It is possible to tire out a golden retriever after all - you just need a teeny tiny puppy to play with her.

Being self-employed really sucks when you ARE the boss and can't just ask for time off.

Internet shopping is the best invention ever. Bar none. Full stop.

Research and development funding would be better spent on developing everything the Jetson's have in their house than on sending us to Mars.

Some puppies eat their own poop - I will never be the same after finding out this particular little tidbit.

Whatever the electricity worker guys that fix our power when it goes out make is not enough, they all deserve a raise and a pony.

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, Whoop it Up!!!

Happy Day at the Funny Farm

2010-12-16T08:39:00.001-08:00

We have our first funny farm fresh egg laid by one of our very own chickens!!!

Grad School Part One

2010-12-14T21:54:00.001-08:00

Yeah. So. First quarter of grad school is over. It was painful. I have to be honest, there was more than one day that I thought I'd have to quit - that I couldn't do it. But I stuck with it and it's over. I got a 3.8 in one class and worked my ASS off for it. The other class - well - I worked my ass off for that one too but don't have any feedback or graded assignments to even begin to judge how I did so I'll have to wait until next week to know if I worked hard enough or not.

Here is a gratuitous picture of the cutest puppy on the planet. He came shopping with me and quite enjoyed it. Very popular with the over 60 and under 6 crowds...

The good news is that I love school, love what I'm learning about, and am so excited to move forward in my academic career. I'm learning more every day than I ever thought was imaginable and cannot wait for next quarter!!!

Well...maybe I can wait a couple of weeks. Long enough to clean the four inches of dog hair off the floor, catch up on organizing the house, and enjoy Christmas with my family.

Smooches!

All Puppy All the Time

2010-12-03T15:59:00.001-08:00

All I've been doing is homework, studying, and playing with the cutest puppy on the planet!

I think the goats thought he was edible...

Puppy love!

Puperazzi

2010-11-30T11:41:00.000-08:00

Poor Peepers, it's not easy living your life in a fishbowl...

He just wants to get into character and lose himself in the role. (He's Pup-in-Boots today)

But instead his adoring fans keep asking, "How much is that puppy in the window? The one with the waggly tail?"

I am beyond smitten.

I Wasn't Busy Enough

2010-11-24T21:31:00.000-08:00

So I went out and adopted a puppy. He's an 8 week old Maltese, Poodle, ??? mutt and the cutest freaking thing on the planet. It's official, I've lost my mind.

But when I saw the huge smile on Grandmother's face - the happiest she's been since her little dog died - I knew all the puppy training and work will be worth it.

Not Homework

2010-11-21T20:54:00.000-08:00

It's amazing how having three weeks, one day, 10 hours, and thirty-seven minutes (but who's counting) until finals week inspires me to do all KINDS of things...

I really want to make a quilt.

The kitchen cabinets need to be thoroughly cleaned out and the wood oiled.

It would be so nice to be able to have a single bay of our FIVE CAR DETACHED GARAGE to park my car in - maybe I'll clean it out.

Boy does Thing 2's room need to be painted. And re-decorated.

DAMN that mudroom is a mess, time to sort out all the crap.

And I have laundry, cleaning, and cooking that needs to get done.

Funny how none of the jobs calling my name are homework. Even though that is what I have GOT to get done. Or waste a bazillion dollars. And suffer being mocked by my family.

But look what needs to be done that is NOT HOMEWORK...

Spelling Simpleton

2010-11-10T13:32:00.000-08:00

I am a good speller. A friend of mine claims that spelling knowledge is contained in an optional lobe of the brain - some people have it and some people don't. Luckily for my k-12 career, I got the spelling lobe. (I didn't get the foreign language one but hey, you can't have everything.)

But there are some words that my brain has decided it will not allow me to learn the correct spelling of.

No matter how many times I write it, say it, spell it out loud, or tattoo it on to my forehead, I will always have to correct the word 'restaurant'. (Red underline just now, I spelled it wrong.) It's a stupid word that should be spelled 'resterant' and whoever decided on the spelling is obviously a mental miget. Er, midget.

As I grow older however, my spelling lobe seems to be shrinking. Or shriveling. Or melting. Because I am LOSING WORDS.

Now I can't spell 'refrigerator' or 'vacuum' correctly the first time. And for the love of GOD I misspelled 'friend' the other day. 'FRIEND'. WTF?

We're not going to talk about 'miget' up there. It'll be our little secret.

So is it only me? Am I the only one with road blocks going up left and right in my grey matter? Do I have brain bugs eating the few brain cells I have left?

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go spend some quality time with Messieurs' Merriam and Webster.

Weeks into Minutes

2010-11-08T09:19:00.001-08:00

October 24th was Daughter's sixteenth birthday. The extended family came, I ordered fancy cupcakes, the house was decorated in black and white Halloween decor, I hung a fancy banner I made in AUGUST (knowing I wouldn't have time to make anything after school started) and we all had a fabulous time - while Daughter spend the entire party in her room, sick with what we later realized was a very nasty case of the flu.

The Undertoad had struck with a vengeance.

But Grandmother got to hold the newest member of the family for a long time while he napped. Here they are, the newest and oldest members of the family - Grandmother 94 and Bubba 7 weeks.

The Undertoad was nowhere to be found the following weekend though! BFF Cousin and I took Daughter, Bee, Baron Munchausen, and Monty to Seattle for an overnight adventure. We shopped, took a limo from the hotel to dinner, our limo got INVADED by zombies leaving ZombiCon at the Seattle Center, Baron M tried to start a food fight at Buca de Beppo's, we played games at GameWorks and then walked back to the hotel in the rain stopping for lots of funny pictures on the way. Like this one...

Four teenagers = three 6s Get it? Six-Six-Six? Teenagers are evil? Nevermind...

Then this past weekend, the Undertoad returned. Grandmother's sweet little dog George went to the big pet park in the sky. He was fourteen - born the same summer as the Things - and will be sorely missed by everyone.

It's been a roller coaster for the past few weeks, and with the holidays fast (way too fast) approaching it promises to continue. But we're hoping for no more Undertoad in our lives for a very long time.

Apropos of Nothing

2010-11-05T17:30:00.000-07:00

Did you know a group of owls is called a Parliament? I sure didn't.

Tired

2010-11-02T22:41:00.001-07:00

I want to tell you about daughter's family birthday party that she missed because she got horrendously sick.

I want to tell you about how she got her nose pierced for her sweet 16 gift from Husband and I.

I want to tell you about how she pulled the stud out of her nose by accident and by the time I got home it had closed up so now instead of a nose piercing she has a tiny scab on her nose.

I want to tell you about the amazing sweet 16 celebration daughter had with her friends after she got well.

I want to tell you about a lot of things.

I want to show you a shitload of pictures.

But I'm very very tired. School, kids, housework, Grandmother, and the eleventy-bazillion things I have on my plate are wearing my ass out.

I want to tell you about a lot of things. One of these days I will.

I Got it In Writing

2010-10-22T10:39:00.000-07:00

I've talked before about how my journey to becoming a college graduate was one that has made me the person I am today. It wasn't easy, it wasn't always fun, but it was important and worth every drop of blood and tear shed along the way.

Now I have something to hang on my wall and remind me of that journey every time I look at it.

The concrete proof of all our - because it was my family's journey as much as my own - hard work is here. And I couldn't be more thrilled!

The Politician

2010-10-20T12:59:00.001-07:00

My and my boy, Thing 2, the politician. God I love this kid!

My Beautiful Girl

2010-10-17T19:04:00.000-07:00

The Homecoming Dance was a lot of fun! We all went to dinner - and I do mean ALL. Daughter, Bee, Monty, Baron Munchausen, Thing 1, Thing 2, Grandmother, Husband and I all enjoyed a nice dinner. Here are the dance-goers in their finery. Isn't Daughter beautiful? She makes my heart ache I love her so much.

And this is a terrible AWFUL pic of me (Daughter is beautiful as always) but I think it's funny because I am such a shorty next to her!!! She's had another growth spurt and is fast approaching 5' 10". She's taking after Scientist Genius Brother. Me...well, I took after Marvelous Mom's side of the family. The Seven Dwarfs only four and all girls. It's all good. I'm not really short - I'm FUN SIZED!

Homecoming Game 2010

2010-10-16T10:20:00.000-07:00

The past two years have not prepared me for the total chaos of Homecoming Week with three kids involved in three different school activities - all of which are part of the Homecoming bru-ha-ha.

Here is our politician, Thing 2 Freshman Senator. He came to me a couple of weeks ago asking if I could make a flag that he and his fellow freshmen representatives had designed. I cut, I sewed, I ironed and voila - it turned out great. The best part is they can use it for the next four years. And the Freshman Golf Cart (each class decorates one) was the BEST EVER! Ha!

He was at school at 7am three days this past week (which of course meant I had to drive him instead of just kicking him out the door in time to catch the bus), had three evening events to set things up for assemblies, and then stayed after school Friday to set up for the dance on Saturday, decorate the golf cart and worked at the game.

Thing 1 plays trumpet in the marching band. They've had three evening practices in the past week on top of all the prior practices plus have been practicing every day at school. They ROCKED the halftime show!

This is a shot from the halftime show. Thing 1 is one of the trumpet players and Daughter is the tall dancer in the back (the girls with their hands over their eyes). The Dance Cats have also been to all the evening marching band practices PLUS practicing twice a week after school. This was - without a doubt - their BEST PERFORMANCE YET. I was up in the stands watching the whole show and they were amazing!!! Daughter had never danced before joining the school dance team (1 year in ballet at age 4 hardly counts, I just wanted the tu-tu pictures!). She has worked her ass off and I can't believe how much she has improved. And the whole team has really come together - their performance was polished and seamless.

This last pic is "my girls". Daugher is on the left, her BFF Monty - who pretty much lives at our house - is in the middle and her other BFF Bee is on the right. Daughter and Bee have been friends since middle school and even though Bee goes to a different high school now they have stayed close.

I'm exhausted but so proud of my kids. We had a great time at the game and I'm looking forward to chaperoning the dance tonight. If I can stay awake.

I'm Just Not That Into It

2010-10-14T10:48:00.000-07:00

Grad school started. I have an unbelievable amount of reading to, um, read. A research project proposal to write. Classroom curriculum to observe and link to the readings. Group projects to do.

And I just don't care very much.

I waited until the very last minute to pay my tuition for this quarter. (And almost hyperventilated at how much it was.) WHAT THE HELL IS MY PROBLEM?!?!

Is it burnout? Does it mean I have doubts about wanting to teach? Am I just lazy?

Motivation...I needz it.

Baby Bubba

2010-10-10T10:23:00.000-07:00

The newest member of the family, Baby Bubba. He is absolutely beautiful and perfect and very very loved.

Bubba had the good timing to arrive while Dad and Stepmonster were in town so Uncle Al got to meet his great-nephew in person. Dad and I tried not to fight over who got to hold him. (I won, obviously!)

Welcome to the world Bubba, we love you!

It Gets Better

2010-10-02T10:45:00.000-07:00

Dan Savage is an editor and columnist for The Stranger, a Seattle area alt-weekly newspaper. In response to the recent rash of children - some gay, some identified by their peers as gay - committing suicide due to unrelenting and brutal bullying, he started the "It Gets Better Project" on YouTube. This project is a collection of videos submitted by adults - gay, straight, bi, queer, trans, and cis - telling their stories in an attempt to show kids that it does indeed get better.

I've watched the videos but this is the first one that made me cry. First because I was sad for this gentleman's 15 year old self, and then because I was happy for the wonderful life he has now. I don't know if my kids are gay - I don't care - and I will show them this video. They will stand up to support their LBGT peers. As a parent, I will stand up to support their LBGT peers. Only when kids and their parents start speaking up against bullying behavior will it stop. All kids need to speak up - the LBGT kids desperately need the support of their straight peers. The loud, in-your-face, stop fucking with my friend, kind of support. Adults are failing to protect them so we need to teach our kids to do it.

Spread the word. There are kids out there who need to see these videos. They need hope. It might save their lives.

Spoiling the Children

2010-09-29T08:58:00.000-07:00

Before I became a parent it never occurred to me that I'd have to guard against spoiling my kids. Spoiled brats are a pain in the ass and no one wants to be around them. I didn't want to live with any or raise any. We all know that one person who was obviously spoiled rotten as a child and as a result believe that the world revolves around what they want, what they think, what they feel, and what they believe. It's really hard to resist the urge to bash their teeth in isn't it?

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But as my kids get older, I find myself wanting to spoil them. WTF is up with that? I would absolutely love love LOVE to buy daughter a car for her upcoming sixteenth birthday and for the Things when they turn sixteen. Of course I'm not going to because I have a brain but what I want to know is where is that urge coming from?

Husband came home last month with an iPhone for daughter. The Things both have cell phones too. They are a huge convenience for me because all three of the kids are involved in school activities now so it makes it a hell of a lot easier for who needs a ride home when and where the hell are you I'm waiting right in front of the damn school! But they don't really NEED phones.

We're instituting a new policy for Daughter a.k.a. the SLOB and her room needs to be picked up every day (by her) and vacuumed every weekend (by her) or she doesn't get to go out with her friends or have friends over. In helping her get organized I realized she has more clothes than she has places to put them. Why does she have so many damn clothes? Oh. Yeah. I bought them for her. Dumbass.

So now I'm on restriction. I've put myself there. If I don't stop spoiling her - the Things don't have nearly as much stuff simply because they hate shopping - she's never gonna learn to take care of what she has. And that shit won't fly because I will not support a thirty-something year old adult. No more shopping trips with her. Which sucks because I love to shop too and we always have a really good time. No more doing the kids chores for them instead of making them do them. Over and over. Until they're done CORRECTLY. (Side note - Why are they incapable of seeing the dog hair on the stairs that they supposedly just swept?)

Good parents don't spoil their children. So why do I want to?

Maybe it's because they are really good kids. When I hear about their peers doing drugs, drinking, skipping class, getting or getting someone pregnant, having unprotected sex or telling their teachers to fuck off, I know just how lucky we are to have such great kids.

But they still need to learn how to clean the bathroom and do laundry before they go to college.

For the Star Wars Nerd in Your Life

2010-09-28T10:15:00.000-07:00

Boba Fett Sneakers - I shit you not.

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Parade Day

2010-09-26T14:53:00.000-07:00

Saturday was Parade Day for our high school marching band which includes the flag and dance teams. Thing One plays the trumpet and Daughter is on the dance team so we left the house at o'dark-thirty to drive over the Cascades and into Leavenworth. The parade was part of the Autumn Leaf Festival and last year was our school's first year participating. They won FIRST PLACE in their division last year and guess what...they won FIRST PLACE again this year! Woot! Their band director and assistant have built an amazing performing arts program at our school and they get the kids to perform above and beyond every time.

Here is the band marching down main street in Leavenworth, a funky little Bavarian themed village in the gorgeous Cascade Mountains. If you are anywhere close to driving distance, I urge you to visit it during the fall when the leaves are changing. It will take your breath away.

Here is daughter posing - I was going for an "artsy" shot with her shadow in the background. It's not fine art but she loves it and I think it's pretty cute. Dance Cats is the name of the dance team.

And here is daughter and Thing One - posing together against their will. I told them if they didn't pose for a picture then I'd make them walk home. Ninety-five miles. They knew I meant it too.

It was a beautiful, warm, sunny day and we all had a great time. Good thing I got some sunshine because it's gray and rainy today. Surprise, surprise, surprise.

Seven Things

2010-09-16T17:05:00.000-07:00

My very awesome friend ChiTown Girl gave me an award! Woot! Chi is a kindergarten teacher in - wait for it - CHICAGO! and while she is crazy enough not to love love love hot weather, we have lots of other things in common. Including her smart-ass sense of humor (I laugh my butt off at her email of the day posts!) and our love of kids. She likes the short, pees-their-pants-occasionally, needs help with their buttons while I prefer the sullen, stinky, teenage variety but still, we both love kids. Even if they make us crazy occasionally. Ok, all the time. Ok, who wants to buy a teenager?

So I'm a versatile blogger! Cool! I assume this means that I can blog while simultaneously beating my kids, making dinner, and studying for a mid-term. Cause I can.

Here are the rules:

Acknowledge the award and thank and link back to the person bestowing it.
Pass on the award to 15 other bloggers: (in no particular order)

Let the new recipients know you've selected them.
Share seven things about yourself that your readers or followers might not know.
Post the badge to your blog.

Here is the hard part, thinking of seven things about me you don't know. At least the 3 of you who aren't my family. (Hi Mom!)

1. I'm a hair twirler and have been ever since I can remember. When I finally start teaching high school I'm gonna look like a fucking moron twirling my hair around my fingers while grading papers. It's a hard habit to break.

2. I get motion-sick in the bathtub. LOOKING at a picture of water makes me seasick. Going to movies at an IMAX theater is not an option. I can't even play driving video games with the Things because it makes me nauseous. This is why even though Marvelous Mom and Stepdan have had a sailboat for umpteen years, I've only been sailing on it once. I took a dramamine and was mostly comatose for the ride.

3. I would die without my iPhone. Die dead. You can have it when you pry it from my cold, dead fingers.

4. I love painting, like paint on canvas art type painting, but I totally suck dinosaur balls at it. But occasionally I buy a canvas and paint something, just because I like the feeling of brushing the paint on.

5. Facebook is my bitch.

6. I'm an atheist. I would LIKE to believe in God and heaven and an afterlife - especially when beautiful, perfect four-year-old boys die in accidents for no reason - but I just can't. Evidence, I need evidence.

7. If I never see another snowflake again it will be too soon.

So, the fifteen (GOD that seems like a lot! Some of these folks who are gonna be wondering who the hell I am) bloggers I'm tagging are

Shelly (For God's sake post SOMETHING! Heh.)

Yo-Yo-Yo

Frogdancer

The Girl Next Door

Suburban Correspondent

Jason

Embee

Mom #1

And, um, EVERYONE ELSE! Seven things y'all, chop-chop!

Gratuitous Photo

2010-09-13T12:59:00.000-07:00

Just to show that Daughter is not ALWAYS a sullen, pouting brat, here is a pic of her with one of her best friends and my bonus son, Baron Munchausen. I love them both!

Oh Happy Day

2010-09-12T06:00:00.000-07:00

Last week was a doozy. Tuesday morning I was on my way out the door (in flip flops and pajamas, I'm pretty classy ya know) to take daughter to dance practice when I slipped and fell down the stairs. My - not inconsiderable - entire body weight fell right on my tailbone and broke it.

I wailed. My two extra kids - friends of daughter's who pretty much live here - had spent the night and all five of the kids were a bit freaked out at the sight of me rolling around screaming in pain while Husband tried to determine if he was going to be a widow or if I was just being hysterical.

So when the kids had their first day of school the next day, Husband was in charge of taking pictures since I was unable to move without howling. This year the Things are starting High School - lowly, lowly, Freshmen - and all three of the hellions will be at the same school with Daughter lording it over them as a Junior.

If you see Husband would you mind asking why the hell he thought taking pics from the top of the stairs was a good idea?

With the lack of actual GOOD pictures, I decided to go for comedy instead. Presenting - OH MY GOD I HAVE TO GO TO SCHOOL WITH MY BROTHERS!

"So Daughter, are you excited for the first day of school? With Thing 1 and Thing 2?"

"I guess that's a no..."

"So what are you going to eat for lunch?"

"I don't care what your friends are doing, you may NOT eat your brothers for lunch!"

"Don't worry Thing 2, she won' REALLY eat you for lunch. She'll just stuff you in a locker."

"Have a nice day!"

Unfortunately my injury has prevented me from doing my annual back-to-school happy dance all over the neighborhood. But I'm THINKING it really, really hard.

Drop Everything and Watch This

2010-09-10T10:43:00.000-07:00

Now excuse me while I go find the kleenex.

Hey Husband, I love you.

Danny & Annie from StoryCorps on Vimeo.

Bad Sun, No Biscuit

2010-08-28T08:09:00.000-07:00

The last time I got blood drawn & analyzed, the doc informed me that I have a Vitamin D deficiency and need to take supplements. I was surprised at this news because I am a sun worshipper (as much as a person can be in the Pacific Northwest anyway) who gets tanned every summer after getting a badass sunburn on the first nice day. It never ever fails, I've been sunburned at least once every year for almost my entire life. Yes I am an idiot.

I've even been known to use tanning beds. Shut up, it helps my acne and gets me through February.

So now...now I've got an appointment with a specialist to have a spot of Basal Cell Carcinoma removed from my chest.

It's not really a big deal. Basal cell is superficial, doesn't metastasize, and grows really really slowly. They'll freeze it off (or something like that) and I'll be self-conscious about the mark for awhile, and then all will be right with the world. There will be lots of follow-up appointments with a dermatologist to make sure I don't have any other little nasties cropping up and I have to switch to Vitamin D supplements instead of frying myself to a crisp every time the sun makes an appearance.

Put sunscreen on your kids.

Put sunscreen on yourself.

See a doctor if you have any weird spots that won't go away.

Flip the sun off whenever you think of it.

Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?

2010-08-18T10:36:00.000-07:00

Why did the Chicken Cross the Road?

KINDERGARTEN TEACHER: To get to the other side.

PLATO: For the greater good.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.

KARL MARX: It was a historical inevitability.

TIMOTHY LEARY: Because that’s the only trip the establishment would let it take.

CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

HIPPOCRATES: Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas.

ANDERSEN CONSULTING: Deregulation of the chicken’s side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market. Andersen Consulting, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM) , Andersen helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge, capital and experiences to align the chicken’s people, processes and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management framework. Andersen Consulting convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with Andersen consultants with deep skills in the transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to synergize with each other in order to achieve the implicit goals in delivering and successfully architecting and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry cross-median processes. The meeting was held in a park-like setting, enabling and creating an impactful environment which was strategically based, industry-focused, and built upon a consistent, clear, and unified market message and aligned with the chicken’s mission, vision, and core values. This was conducive towards the creation of a total business integration solution. Andersen Consulting helped the chicken change to become more successful.

MARTIN LUTHER KING JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

MACHIAVELLI: The point is that the chicken crosses the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.

JERRY SEINFELD: Why does anyone cross the road? I mean, why doesn’t anyone ever think to ask, what the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place, anyway?

FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

BILL GATES: I have just released the new Chicken Office 2010, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your cheque book.

OLIVER STONE: The question is not, “Why did the chicken cross the road?” Rather, it is, “Who was crossing the road at the same time, whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?”

DARWIN: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross the roads.

EINSTEIN: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends on your frame of reference.

BUDDHA: Asking this question denies your own chicken nature.

RALPH WALDO EMERSON: The chicken did not cross the road … it transcended it.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain.

COLONEL SANDERS: I missed one?

I got this from Frogdancer, my favorite teaching frog!

Leaving Berkeley

2010-08-17T14:34:00.001-07:00

Five years ago this month, Dad and I loaded most of Scientist Genius Brother's belongings (Marvelous Mom points out that she is STILL storing some of his crap for him at her house) and drove him to Berkeley for grad school. In that five years he worked his ass off, finally earning the title 'Doctor of Philosophy in Chemistry'.

On Thursday, Marvelous Mom and I drove down to Berkeley to do the whole move in reverse. It was a wonderful trip! We are all so proud of him that our buttons have burst off our clothing. His final thesis was signed off on by his professor and two other advisors and he is DONE! Check out his thesis title:

Ion Nanocalorimetry: Measuring Absolute Reduction Potentials, and Investigating Effects of Water on Electron Solvation and Ion Fluorescence

I've got no idea what it means but it sounds very smart!

For the most part the entire moving out process went smoothly. Except for one thing - Satan's Couch. This is a piece of furniture he got for free from some friends. They got hosed on it, paying $75 on Craigslist for a couch they were told was leather but was actually very cheap, squeaky, hot, icky vinyl. When they gave it to Scientist Genius Brother they were happy to see it go. I suspect they avoided even sitting on it when they visited him.

Now when he moved in to this apartment, he got Satan's Couch in through the front door. The apartment complex was built in 1914 so we know for SURE that it wasn't built around Satan's Couch. And yet he could not get it out.

Let me tell you, it is not easy to take non-blurry pictures with your iPhone while laughing hysterically! Four big, strong, college guys could not get Satan's Couch out of the apartment. They tried for half an hour, turning it every which way, taking the legs off, shoving it into the shrubbery, even sacrificing the paint on the door, but could NOT get it out. Even funnier is that Scientist Genius Brother doesn't remember it being that hard to get in - he wasn't even sure who helped him move it!

But by that night he was pissed. He was gonna get that damn thing out no matter what. So we broke out the tools...

...and we cut it in half. We murdered Satan's Couch. Then he had to pay a guy $65 to come and haul it out which was extremely painful to the second-cheapest person I know. (Husband is the first.) Not really a freebie. But once it was gone the aura of the apartment lifted and we knew we were no longer in the presence of Satan's Couch.

Then with much prodding from Mom and I, Scientist Genius Brother got rid of a LOT of stuff he wouldn't need or didn't want to pay to ship to Australia. The remainder of his crap got crammed in the back of my van (you would not believe how much stuff you can get in a Honda Odyssey!!!) and we brought him home.

He will stay with Marvelous Mom until Friday and then he heads to the University of Melbourne to do his post-doctoral work on the molecular and physical composition of the atoms of zzzzz....he's gonna do chemistry stuff. He also gets to join Awesome Aussie Girlfriend and they won't have to do the long-distance thing anymore!!!

I am proud and sad and excited for him all at the same time. He is the best brother, son, and uncle anyone could wish for and he will do amazing things with his life!

Vegas Vacation 2010 Part 4

2010-08-14T09:00:00.000-07:00

This is in Dad's "Man Room". He got a beautiful pool table from a friend and taught the kids how to play. Husband flew out for the second weekend we were there - the first time he's ever been able to join us for part of our road trip vacation!

This is Baby Boy - he belongs to a friend of Dad and Stepmonster and is absolutely the cutest thing! He just turned one and was happy to bask in the attention of the baby deprived in the family.

Here he is with the Playboy who works with Dad and has been adopted into the family. I took Baby Boy away from the Playboy pretty quick though, can't have him learning any bad habits!

And Baby Boy covered in Popsicle juice. So cute!

This was taken at a little rest stop in nowhere Oregon on our way home. I was hoping for a Christmas Card shot but no such luck. *sigh*

Vegas Vacation 2010 Part 3

2010-08-13T09:00:00.000-07:00

Thing 1 giving Thing 2 a piggyback ride - it's amazing that those pipe cleaner legs can hold them both up. I love this picture!

When Dad and Stepmonster bought the house with a pool, the Things decided our housewarming gift to them would be a floating ping-pong table! They found out it was harder than it looked and quickly gave up but Dad and I got the hang of it after awhile. It's just a matter of time before Chuck the Party Animal organizes a game of floating beer pong on it.

Daughter and I ran away one evening to the strip where we shopped at the Caesars Palace Mall, ate dinner at the Cheesecake Factory and laughed at all the weirdos who come out at night in Vegas.

The Paris Hotel at night is beautiful!

To be continued...

Vegas Vacation 2010 Part 2

2010-08-12T09:00:00.000-07:00

Ok, I planned this out better so these are in chronological order!

Here are Grandmother, Thing 2 and Thing 1 excited to get on the road! Daughter was in the backseat but didn't want to climb out of her nest for the pic. Party Pooper.

Here's Thing 1 jumping into the pool with a neighbor kid on his back. Dad & Stepmonster's buddy was babysitting four kids that night so it was a party! We had to tell the Things not to unlock and open the side gate for all the other neighbor kids who wanted to come swim without their parents supervising them. A pool is a kid magnet but also a liability issue! LOL

Thing 1 looks like he's delivering a speech here but he was just getting ready to jump.

And here is a teeny-tiny lizard Dad found the next morning. I'm holding it and Dad took the pic. He obviously needs new glasses because of the three pics he took, none of them have the lizard in focus. GO TO THE EYE DOCTOR DAD! Heh.

To be continued...

Vegas Vacation 2010

2010-08-11T09:35:00.000-07:00

I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that this year's road trip vacation was the best one ever. (Now next year's will be an unmitigated disaster, I've jinxed it for sure.) After last year I swore I was never taking my demon-spawn on another vacation. Ever. They bickered constantly, talked back, and were generally awful. It was WAY worse than the year before when Thing 1 had a broken leg! I don't know if it's the year's worth of maturing or just all the valium I snuck into their food but this year they were WONDERFUL!

They goofed around with each other instead of fighting, were attentive and helpful to their Great-Grandmother, were polite to Grandpa, Grandmonster and all their friends, and followed the house rules beautifully. (Except Daughter who was caught EATING UPSTAIRS and made to perform penance at the feet of her Grandmonster or else face certain and utter doom.)

I took the Things to Gameworks on the strip where they happily made faces for my iPhone camera. It was lovely - they ran around like loons playing video games while I sat in the restaurant with a succession of $2 beers and made out with my new Kindle.

Then we went to the M&M's store next door. Have you ever been to Toys 'R Us on Christmas Eve? Neither have I but the M&M's store was a pretty close approximation to what I would image such an experience would be. It was INSANE! I wanted to yell at everyone "They're M&M's! You can buy them at the damn drugstore down the street for a tiny fraction of the cost here! Why are you losing your minds?"

This is totally out of chronological order due to Blogger's weird picture rearranging habits.

When we arrived in Vegas, Dad had just arrived home from work and turned on the waterfall and lights in the pool. It took the Things approximately four nanoseconds to change into their swimsuits and jump in. They spent hours in it every day and are cleaner than they have ever been in their entire lives.

This was taken at a rest stop in Eastern Washington. Grandmother did amazingly well for a 94 year old on a 1200 mile road trip. She's absolutely NO company for me in the car - she slept almost the whole way - but she had a great time. The kids took really good care of her - opening doors, getting her cane, making sure she drank enough water - and I am so glad they have the memories of this trip with her. As much as I complain about the old fossil, I love her dearly and was happy to have her join us!

And I spent a large amount of my time like this...

Amazingly I didn't get super sunburned. There was one day that I turned pretty pink but compared to Sunburns I Have Had it was not even in the top twenty-five. The weather was perfect. For me that is. 100+ degrees every day. Vegas does have a weird habit of getting very very windy in the evenings. Dad explained it to me - something about cooling air, rising warm air, weather patterns, zzzz - but I didn't quite get it. Of course my non-understanding had NOTHING to do with the margaritas Stepmonster and I were imbibing. Ahem.

I have a few more pics so will follow up soon. But right now I have to unpack, do my laundry, and re-pack for a road trip to Berkeley with Marvelous Mom. We leave tomorrow.

Yikes!

Vacation

2010-08-06T16:20:00.001-07:00

Well. Ahem. I've been whooping it up in Las Vegas for the past week - hence the lack of posting. That and the fact that the Things are hogging my computer.

It's ok, I bought a Kindle DX and it is my new friend with benefits. *swoon* Husband is going to kick my ass from here to Mars when he sees the Amazon bill for e-books. Heh.

The rugrats, Grandmother and I will all be home on Tuesday the 10th after driving for two days. Goody. Then I leave again with Marvelous Mom on the 12th to move Scientist Genius Brother out of his Gollem-cave in Berkeley.

So who knows when I might actually get to post something.

Dad and Stepmonster's new house (especially the pool with the WATERFALL) kick all kinds of ass though. Give 'em a call if you're in Vegas, they have lots of room.

Smooches!

Slacker Grade

2010-07-27T14:39:00.000-07:00

Apparently I worked my ass off to graduate with honors for nothing. Slacking in the Washington State History class got me a 3.8

Summer School

2010-07-24T09:59:00.000-07:00

I did it - I finished the Washington State History class without going totally insane! The amazing campus at UW Seattle had a lot to do with it. C'mon, is this not completely gorgeous?!?

This is another iPhone photo that I took with one of my new photo aps. They are Old Camera, Hipstamatic and Tilt Shift Generator. I read about them on ONE of your blogs but now I can't remember whose it was so let me know if it was you so I can give you props! Any ap that can make even me look like I know what I'm doing while taking pictures is sheer genius - and for less than two bucks!

No I'm not being paid for my endorsement of these aps, I just happen to think they rock and would like to share that with y'all.

The class was very interesting and I really liked the professor. Being a lecture class it wasn't exactly exciting, but his dry sense of humor and powerpoint slides that ADDED to the information instead of simply REPEATING it kept the lectures from being sleep-inducing.

We read a book that I highly recommend for anyone who likes the outdoors, history, or sailing. It's called "The Northwest Coast: Or, Three Years' Residence in Washington Territory" by James G. Swan. He was a Bostonian who bailed on the East Coast (and his family but that was pretty common at the time) in favor of exploring the Pacific Northwest in 1849. Despite being over one hundred and fifty years old, it is a fun, exciting, and informative read. It's fascinating to see the difference in attitudes back in the day. For instance, he and his fellow explorers started a forest fire while celebrating the fourth of July and he nonchalantly adds that it continued to burn until the rains started in November. And by that I mean that it was almost an afterthought on his part to even mention the months long fire!

What's more, this actually happened TWICE!

We also read some of Capt.George Vancouver (snore) and the Hudson's Bay Co. employee George Simpson (double snore). Their writing hasn't held up nearly as well as Swan's.

Another good book I can recommend is "Native Seattle: Stories from the Crossing-Over Place" by Coll Thrush. I literally couldn't put it down. VERY unusual for a book I've been assigned to read!

All in all it was a good class. I wasn't *quite* as type-A about my papers or getting to class every single day - after all I just need this class for my teaching endorsement and the grade isn't going towards my graduation GPA since I already GRADUATED (woot!) but I'm glad I took it.

I'm also glad it's over. Heh.

Now I am done with (my) school until the beginning of October when grad school starts. On Thursday I am driving to Vegas with the kids and Grandmother (god help us all) for our annual road trip. Then Marvelous Mom and I will be driving to Berkeley to move Scientist Genius Brother out of his apartment so he can jet to Melbourne, Australia *sob* to do his post-doctoral work. After that it's back to school prep with Thing 2 practicing with the marching band, Daughter practicing with the dance team, Thing 1 getting ready for student government work, the fair, and the parade that will have TWO of my offspring in it.

I'm tired just thinking about it.

My Boys

2010-07-22T10:19:00.001-07:00

In Which I Hop on the Bandwagon

2010-07-18T14:21:00.000-07:00

Hey y'all! I've been neglecting my blog shamelessly and it's pretty much pure laziness. When the sun comes out, the LAST thing I want to do is sit inside and write. So I thought I'd do what I've seen OTHER bloggers do and re-post something from a year(ish) ago.

This is a doozy cause it's from when Motherinlaw was visiting last year and I was very very frustrated with her. Heh.

I promise to post something involving me actually engaging my brain soon. Pinky-swear.

* * * * * * * * *

Crazy Making

Ninety-nine percent of the time being in a bi-cultural marriage (Fancy! I didn't know that's what I was in until Marvelous Mom's church ladies asked me to come and speak to their group on the subject!) is a total non-issue for Husband and I. He was 16 when he jumped into a pool without checking for water first and moved to the states with only the clothes on his back so he has assimilated (BORG!) into American culture seamlessly.

We only fight about normal things like the fact that he never listens to anything I say so I have to tell him things forty-eleven times before they sink into his thick skull and the fact that he still hasn't re-caulked the fucking BATHTUB even though it started to mold WEEKS ago!!!

Sorry - got a little worked up there...

My point is that the fact that he was born and raised in Iran and I was born and raised in the US has never been an issue for us.

Except when his mother visits.

Intellectually I know that Iran is a rabidly patriarchal society (unlike the U.S. which is only common cold-ly patriarchal) and that Motherinlaw is a product of seventy some odd years of that culture. However, knowing that does absolutely NOTHING to offset the unbelievable frustration with her behavior, most of which is the product of her culture. The rest of it is age related. I know because Grandmother acts the exact same way. It's uncanny sometimes.

When a woman lives in a rabidly patriarchal society, she learns to get her way by being passive-aggressive, manipulative and emotional. At least that is what Motherinlaw does to get her way. I think my deduction that it is a result of her cultural heritage is pretty spot on because when first your father, then your husband and then your oldest son can do whatever they deem best for your life regardless of your own wishes and desires then you HAVE to be a sneaky bitch.

This is not to say that Motherinlaw's husband was a tyrant - he peeled her tomatoes for her for fucks sake, or that her oldest son who just happens to be Husband's brother is not trying to do what she wants, she is just physically and mentally incapable of being straight with him. She tells him she is just fine staying here another two months - because that's what she thinks he wants to hear - and then when he is not around she makes my poor sisterinlaw's life a living hell. (Lucky for me it is their turn to have her staying at their house, I got the first tour of duty this year.)

She really isn't a nasty person, or even bitchy, this is just how she deals with unexpected circumstances that have postponed her planned return to Iran. I totally understand that she wants to go home but I also am frustrated that she won't be straight with her sons about what she wants and flat out refuses to make the last leg of the trip - from Europe to Tehran - by herself because she is afraid of getting lost in the airport in Tehran. The city she lives in. Surrounded by people who speak the same language she does. With signs posted in the same language she reads. It's calculated helplessness and it's driving me around the fucking bend!!!

The end result of all these shenanigans is that Husband will be taking her back to Iran on July 31st and returning on August 9th. It is safer for him to take her because he is not a U.S. citizen like his brother, but given the precarious political situation there right now I'm still very nervous about him making the trip. Not to mention that he wasn't originally going to be the one to take her home so he has to rearrange his entire life to do so.

I am trying very hard to keep my BIG FAT MOUTH shut about everything and not lash out at husband because I'm frustrated with his mom. I *know* it's cultural, I *know* she's an old lady and isn't going to change anytime soon and I *know* I don't understand but it's still driving me bonkers! So y'all get to read my rant instead. Lucky you!

But if husband gets thrown in an Iranian jail I will show Motherinlaw what a strong, straight-talking, direct woman looks like! ;)

Independence Day

2010-07-05T10:31:00.000-07:00

We had a fabulous holiday weekend! On Friday night I dropped daughter off at the marina in Seattle where Marvelous Mom and Stepdan park (moor? float?) their sailboat. She sailed to Poulsbo with them while Husband and the Things and I drove over on Saturday.

I have to note that this is the first time in two years that Husband has joined us on an overnight vacation other than going to Chelan with his brother and family. I was THRILLED that he said, "Screw work, I'm coming too!"

I had a few hours in Poulsbo with my guys before the sailors arrived. Aren't they handsome fellows?

Me and my boys - they're both taller than me, yikes!

And here comes Daughter and Stepdan in the dingy to motor us out to the sailboat that was anchored in Liberty Bay.

And this is just too cool for words. There is a teeny-tiny aquarium on the waterfront in Poulsbo and their resident Giant Pacific Octopus was eating a crab. Apparently they crack the crab's shell with their beak, suck all the guts and stuff out, and then drop the empty shell. That crab that you can see in the middle of the suckers is bigger than my hand!

It was a lovely weekend and I'm bummed to be back. (Mostly because I have 24 hours to write my mid-term essay.)

I hope y'all had a fun and safe fourth too!

A Joke For Oregonians

2010-07-01T19:06:00.000-07:00

So the class I'm taking this summer (five days a week for one month - I think I can, I think I can, I think I can) is Washington State History. I need this class to get my endorsement to teach high school social studies and history but didn't get it out of the way before graduation. Now I get to pay an obscene amount of money for a class that doesn't even go towards a degree. Somebody shoot me.

The professor told a joke the other day and it was funny enough that I actually remembered it. This in and of itself is quite a feat, I can only remember one other joke from when the twins were in kindergarten...

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef!

God y'all, I can hear you groaning thru my computer!

Anyhow, this joke is actually FUNNY. I promise. And if it's not then blame my professor, it's his damn joke anyway.

A Californian, an Oregonian, and a Texan were sitting around a campfire.

The Texan pulled out a bottle of whiskey, drank it, threw the bottle up in the air, pulled out his pistol and shot the bottle before it hit the ground.

"There's plenty more back home where that came from."

The Californian pulled out a bottle of wine, drank it, threw the bottle up in the air, pulled out his pistol and shot the bottle before it hit the ground.

"There's plenty more back home where that came from."

The Oregonian pulled out a bottle of microbrew, drank it down, pulled out his pistol and shot the Californian.

"There's plenty more back home where that came from but I have to recycle this bottle."